Sheffield – 18th July

It was Captain Caveman’s last full day with me in England on Thursday 18th July and it was also his birthday. I’d organised for us to celebrate later but he wanted to keep any plans casual which was proving a bit tricky. It was only 18°C at 9am as I had my tea and toast then got on with work for a couple of hours. Unfortunately, I had some bad news; my parents did not drink Yorkshire tea but I’d thought all this time that they did. They had been fans of Tetley it appeared and even had the Tetley teabags bought in bulk. It was a good job I’d brought my own, all the way from Vietnam and Turkey! Captain Caveman got all his stuff together and was leaving for London tomorrow afternoon by bus. Before midday we were bus wankers once again as we ventured in to town for some birthday fun. The bus fare from Mosborough to Sheffield city centre, which is 12km and takes about 20 minutes usually, cost us £2 each, one way. My parents had declined our invite to join us as they don’t like to go in to town if they can help it, even though they both have free bus passes, and they don’t particularly like to go out drinking in Sheffield these days. On the bus I got some messages and photos of the pool from Captain Caveman’s apartment complex which could’ve been taken on any given day and reused but he seemed to think he was on top of things now – I was still dubious. We got off the bus near the train station and headed to a cafe on Brown Street, I noticed Spearmint Rhino was no longer! I just had a soda water and Captain Caveman had a coffee as it was one of those fancy places that serves smashed avocado and I wasn’t keen so we didn’t stay. Instead we walked up towards The Moor where 2 sleeping tramps and a dog were almost blocking the door to Beres sandwich shop. We both had a pork sandwich and went to sit on a bench to eat it, as it was now sunny. My first pork sandwich since being back in England cost £3.60. It was so tasty and was another thing off our must do list. We walked through Leopold Square where Strada had now become another restaurant called Pho. I checked out the menu to find a Pho Ga (chicken noodle soup) was priced at a whopping £12.25 which, compared to £1.82 for a posh one in Victory Road Villas, Phong Nha, was absolutely shocking! We walked up West Street and along Division Street spotting new places like Glass Onion and Pieminister as well as old favourites The Frog & Parrot and the Devonshire Chippy. No cars are allowed on the road now so it seemed odd to see people sat outside the pub but on the road. There were a lot more drug addled homeless people around too, and I was shocked to see drugged up women who looked like they were desperate for a wash. At the clothing bank, I wondered why all the clothes were spread out on the floor but maybe it was for the homeless to be able to use them. As it was lunchtime on a Thirsty Thursday, we tried to go to a pub for a drink but not many were open, including another old favourite, The Bath, which didn’t open until 4pm – on a Thursday!! We unsuccessfully tried a couple of other pubs which were either not open, closed down or had the decorators in. The Forum was still going strong so we went in there but I just had a pint of water, which was completely free (more on that later) and Captain Caveman had a pint. We had a critter join us which I didn’t like but Captain Caveman persuaded me to be friends with it and we saved it by giving it some water, then it ended up in the hair of a recently graduated female with a partial tit hanging out. We decided to walk towards Kelham Island as, surely, pubs there would be open and it might be a bit more classy!?

Today was also the day of Captain Caveman’s friend’s funeral. Sid Perou, from England but living in Thailand, was a famous caver and filmmaker who had sadly passed away. We’d last met up with Sid, his wife and his grandson in May last year and he was a really fascinating and lovely man. Captain Caveman and I were of course upset by this news, Captain Caveman in particular, and he had planned to mark the evening by joining some cavers at The Cobden View pub. The Sheffield University Speleological Society (SUSS) meet there on a Thursday, right at the same time that I’d arranged a small gathering of friends to help Captain Caveman celebrate his birthday. We decided Captain Caveman would go to the Cobden View but I would go to meet everyone at Kelham Island. After the caving night, Captain Caveman would join us. In the meantime, we had stopped off at The Shakespeare for a pint on the way to Kelham Island, we both had a pint and a packet of Salt and Vinegar Discos to share. We had a walk round Kelham Island to find a few of the pubs were closed but we ended up in The Millowners Arms where I had another pint of water. I was feeling a bit dehydrated after last night and thirsty after walking in Sheffield which is far more hilly than I’m used to. To my surprise, the water was free again and I was absolutely loving being able to drink tap water whenever I liked – it was so amazing! Next, we decided to call in to the bar I had arranged to meet everyone in later tonight. I’d been to Salt before but it turned out that Captain Caveman hadn’t, as we ordered 2 on-tap cocktails for a total of £12.30. My Pornstar Martini was a bit too sweet but Captain Caveman’s Espresso Martini went down well. We also tried a gyoza snack for £4.50 which was tiny but tasty.
Our next stop ended up being Craft & Dough with other choices not being open and Captain Caveman was getting a bit peckish. We decided to order a pizza to share and he had another pint of beer while I went to the loo. When I came out I went to order a pint of water and asked the barman how much it was. I never knew this but, all licensed premises in England and Wales are required by law to provide ‘free potable water’ to their customers upon request. He explained that it was illegal not to give free tap water out when asked and I was so impressed with this law. I also ordered a beer as I thought it was a good idea and we were going to be meeting a few people who were finishing work soon.

Captain Caveman and I met Tony and Paul first at 6pm at the Kelham Island Tavern. Tony was drinking from a glass labelled Left Handed Giant which might be his new nickname. Becca was also already there just as we arrived as she’d got an Uber in to town. As we tried to work out how long it had been since our last rendezvous (too long!) and who knew who from where, the beers flowed. Luan, Drexy and Jeff arrived as Captain Caveman left to go to the SUSS meet up. More reminiscing and laughter was had before we realised we needed to change venues to meet anyone else at Salt. Becca and I left first as Louisa and Linda were already sat outside and I almost didn’t recognise them as both had different hairstyles since I last saw them. Louisa was working later so couldn’t stay out long but had made the effort for Captain Caveman’s birthday, I hoped he would make it back before she had to leave. To complete the crew, Caz & Tim were next to arrive and we had a drink or two more. I felt that I didn’t get to speak to everyone enough and it dawned on me that the time I planned to be in England for would fly by. It was the school holidays so lots of parents were busy with the kids or going away so it wasn’t possible for everyone to come out, just because JoLo was back in town. As we were chatting, Luan informed us that one of our friends’ father had died. But then when she double checked it was a false alarm and we all raised a glass to him, with Linda saying ‘I’ve never met him, but I’m so glad he’s alive!’ It was nice to be with my Northern mates again and we had a great time. As I said bye to Louisa and Linda, Captain Caveman was in the taxi coming back – which was a shame they had missed each other.

We had another drink in Salt but then decided to go back to The Kelham Island Tavern. Caz and Tim also had to get back home so they said their goodbyes. Much to Captain Caveman’s aversion to acknowledging his birthday, he responded quite well to a group rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ from the rest of us in our last bar. Drexy and Jeff had offered to give Captain Caveman and I a lift back to Mosborough and the sensible thing would’ve been to take it. Luan and Paul also had work tomorrow so were leaving but I blame Tony for the rest of the evening’s shenanigans.

I don’t think Captain Caveman was expecting for it to be such an eventful (drunken) birthday on Thursday 18th July. Tony had the amazing idea that we should all go for a curry. Once we’d said bye to the people our hangovers would be wishing we were tomorrow, I called Butler’s Balti to ask them to stay open. Tony is a regular there so they agreed to wait for us but we took longer to walk there than we expected because of all the road work paraphernalia in the way. Once there, we were the only customers; Tony, Becca, Captain Caveman and I were so grateful, though, and we cracked on with ordering our drinks and food quite sharpish. Tony and I had red wine, Becca had white and Captain Caveman stuck to beer (for the time being). I’d love to write about what each of us ordered but all I can recall is that it was amazing food and that Captain Caveman and Tony went for something too hot for me to handle. At the end of the night, and as the staff were probably really hoping to lock up, Captain Caveman was presented with the ultimate birthday drink. Of course, I had to get a video of it which, to Captain Caveman’s irritation, caused a bit of an injury. While I videoed and we all sang Happy Birthday in the style of Stevie Wonder on a night out in Sheffield, Captain Caveman had to wait to blow out the flaming sambuca which then meant he burned his lip on the hot glass and lethal liquid. Outside we struggled to get taxis for 3 out of 4 of us and we were a bit merry by this stage. Becca got upset as her taxi got nicked by someone else and Captain Caveman got impatient when we ordered a second one as ours went missing. Poor Tony was left to sort us all out and make sure Becca got the taxi and he got back to his hotel. All this on a school night but we were home before 1am and our friendly taxi driver was chatting all the way back to Mosborough to his friend abroad. It only cost £16 which I didn’t think was bad considering it was probably about that 2.5 years ago. What a night, tomorrow was going to hurt but I’d fortuitously took the day off work.

Photo Credit – some photos supplied by the