For breakfast on Friday 27th September I had half a tub of overnight oats and a cup of Yorkshire tea. I spoke to Captain Caveman around 10am my time, he was at Caroline’s and she had gone to 9 Grains for a meeting while he stayed home with Vee, the dog. Captain Caveman was now free to book his flights and so he did that and sent me his flight details straight after the call. He would leave Saigon on the 4th October, fly via Bangkok to Istanbul with Thai Airways and then get the Turkish Airlines flight to arrive in to Dalaman at 9.05am on 5th October. What a relief, he was finally booked and just had to avoid the next bout of stormy weather that was heading in that direction soon. I remembered I needed to get back to the shops so off I went, prices in lira of what I bought;
Bim Supermarket 1 Notebook 12.50 Bin liners 21.00 Total spent 33.50 lira (73p)
Şarküteri shop 1 Small (142ml) Henderson’s relish 1 (400ml) tin of coconut milk 1 (150ml) bottle of rice vinegar 1 (150ml) bottle of Oyster sauce Total spent 335.00 lira (£7.33)
All of these items are classed as foreign and so include import tax, making them quite pricey compared to back in the UK.
Migros Supermarket 1 bag 0.25 Bay leaves 24.95 Wholemeal sliced bread 44.50 Basil 44.95 650g yoghurt 77.50 10 eggs 99.95 Feta cheese 114.90 Total spent 407.00 lira (£8.91)
Over the last 2 days, I had spent the most in ages on provisions and groceries as I had not known how much I was going to need for my residency renewal. With that finished, it did mean I could actually get a little bit back to normal and actually spend some of what I had put aside for housekeeping and bills. My next task was to pay for another month of internet at Captain Net where the lady was reluctant to give it to me because of my residency card expiring on the 19th October. I showed her my piece of paper and explained as best I could that I was waiting for my card but it would come after the 19th of next month. She would only let me renew the internet for one month and told me that I must have my card by the next time I came to pay. This was unlikely as the new cards were being sent about 2 weeks after the old ones expired. It cost 400 lira (£8.75) which is a bit of a bargain for a whole month of internet and I don’t even have the best plan, as we no longer watch TV so I don’t really need it. For lunch I had a mini wrap with curried chicken, veg and yoghurt in and it tasted amazing. I had a green tea and completed the last of the Planner Ideation course with Claire Clarke. I’d enjoyed it and I had got plenty of free training and information out of the course, which was good. I did mean to top up my Turkish phone with credit but I decided to wait until Captain Caveman arrived as it wasn’t essential and I didn’t really go out much these days to need it. I complained again to the pool and gardening company that the pool water seemed very low and there was no pump on (they also had still not cleaned the grounds). To my surprise I got a reply almost straight away to say they were already on it and fixing the electrics because it was broken and he needed 400 lira from each of the 10 owners. I thought it a very convenient amount (the same as the hose) and asked for a receipt. His answer was that he could not provide a receipt or bill as the workman would then charge more for it – the joys of living in Dalyan!
In the evening I was reunited at last with my rice cooker and I had an amazing chicken curry and steamed rice for dinner, washed down with 2 gin and zero calorie tonics. I chilled out and watched some Netflix in the evening and even worked out how to get music on the TV after not being at home properly, since March.
Sunday 31st March was a busy and full on day to end the month with. It was also my Dad’s birthday and I hoped I would be able to speak to him later on. Caroline went to 9 Grains Bakery while I packed and tried to finish my Canva course as today was the last day. I didn’t get too far on practising anything as Caroline returned with a little friend; Le’s little boy. She also brought me a tea and a croissant for my breakfast which was good of her. Captain Caveman was cycling from Hue to Danang today for his last day of the Saigon Children’s Charity Cycling Adventure. We were leaving by car for Danang at 1pm so it was only right that Caroline thought it a good idea to put her bikini on and jump in the shower with Vee, the dog, to give her a good wash. Vee needed to be clean before her girl’s night away at The Sheraton. She was also trying to teach Le’s son how to shower a dog, neither the kid nor the dog seemed keen. Le’s wife arrived to pick up the child but there was almost an incident when the small child decided to scale the balcony side to see the small dog downstairs better. He almost fell over the side, a massive drop, so the mother decided it was time to go. Caroline and I had a couple of things left on the to do list that we hadn’t got round to doing yet. They were; buying some leather flipflops and trinkets to take to Phong Nha, eating the traditional Hoi An noodle dish of Cao Lau and Caroline wanted me to get my hair chemically straightened at her hairdresser’s. I decided the only one on that list which was feasible was to eat the Cao Lau, so Caroline ordered it to be delivered. It was so tasty and Vee loved us sharing a bit with her, but only the meat. Caroline also decided she needed to give me some unwanted clothes, which I was surprised to find did fit me. But they wouldn’t fit in my rucksack and I had to use a Vietnamese laundry bag. At 1pm the car was here but, of course, we weren’t quite ready. Jake was staying in the apartment while we were gone and there was still the issue of whether the thumb print door knob would work. By 1.20pm, we were on our way to Danang, to a yet to be confirmed location and finish line for the Saigon Children’s Charity cycle adventure.
Captain Caveman had sent me the map coordinates of where we needed to be for the finish line. This is where Caroline got the car to stop, after we had dropped our bags off at our respective hotels. It was literally in the middle of nowhere on a busy main road. Caroline kept the driver on stand by which was definitely a good thing. I messaged Julie and Gareth so that they could join us and we all waited at a little stall for word from Captain Caveman. After 30 minutes of being sat about, Captain Caveman sent a photo of himself at the top of the Hai Van Pass – he’d made it up the hill! They were waiting for the rest of the cyclists to all get to the top and then they would do the last section, downhill, together. He video called and he looked hot and sweaty but happy he was almost finished. We were told to look out for a bus or wagon which would come to mark the finish line. When we saw the guy on a motorbike with a finishing flag, it was almost too late. Captain Caveman and whoever was in the front were only a minute behind this man and we only just captured the video of them arriving. It was so hot and all the cyclists made it to the side of the road where Heart of Darkness had provided some beers. I was thirsty and eager to have a drink but I made sure I waited until all the cyclists had one. It was great to see them all so humble but quietly proud they had done it.
Video of Captain Caveman finishing the cycling event
Video of more cyclists finishing
Video of more cyclists finishing
Captain Caveman joined the rest of the group to go to the Nalod hotel to shower and change. Caroline, Vee, Julie, Gareth and I got in the car and went to Maia Beach Bar for drinks. It was a lovely place but, as is the case with a lot of the beach bars in Danang, service wasn’t the best and there was no soap in the toilets. Captain Caveman joined us briefly before he headed off to the end of the event dinner at My Casa. Our next stop for the 4 of us was to Esco Beach bar where we ordered food, and more drinks. Caroline ordered Vee a steak and she was a bit fussy over how it was cooked but ate it. I had a really nice sweet and sour chicken with rice. Caroline ordered seafood, while Julie and Gareth were keen to try some Vietnamese food. When Captain Caveman rejoined us, he was proudly wearing his medal from the Saigon Children’s Charity Cycling adventure. He was quite merry but pretty tired and we went back to the hotel when the bar closed. Vee got the best service at the Sheraton hotel, where they really cater well for dogs, so Caroline was really happy. At 12.50 am, it was 6.50pm in the UK so we were able to call my Dad and say ‘Happy Birthday’. I still hadn’t told my parents the news about Captain Caveman’s job at Oxalis finishing this year and it wasn’t the right time to discuss now and spoil Dad’s birthday or a great weekend for Captain Caveman. Hopefully, I would get to speak to them properly once we were back in Phong Nha in a couple of days.
On Saturday 30th March Caroline had a treat booked in for us, while poor Captain Caveman was cycling in high heat and humidity from Dong Ha to Hue! Caroline and I had a short trip to Weaver’s Cafe in An Bang with Hawk and Hong for brunch. It’s a cute little cafe run by a Vietnamese woman and her English husband and they do a greasy spoon style English breakfast. Hawk and Hong were already there and he had a pot of Yorkshire tea on the go. Caroline and I ordered a soda water and a pot of Yorkshire tea to share. I obviously ordered the Full English breakfast but without eggs or tomatoes, Hawk and Hong had a chicken salad with poached eggs on top, Caroline had lasagne and chips. Caroline had already paid the bill when I tried to get mine and I don’t remember the prices but it seemed reasonable for western food. The breakfast was good but I knew my body wouldn’t think so and I had a bad stomach before I even left Weaver’s. This didn’t bode well for our next adventure as we were off back to Golden Girls Spa for a 4 hands massage each and I’d booked in for a snatch wax (aka Brazilian).
The massage was amazing and I almost fell asleep, I was also pleased to be able to fit in to the little outfits they gave us, which are normally far too tight for me. After the massage, Caroline went home to walk and feed Vee, the dog, while I got a very thorough waxing from Caroline’s friend. It was very good but it was a little disconcerting when she complimented my lady garden! She had used the wax that peels off rather than the papers so I was pleased but she didn’t have anything to get the residue off with. There was no time to worry about that as I had to get dressed, pay the 750,000VND (£23.61) for the hour massage and the waxing and meet Caroline at the 3 Dragon’s pub. We had arranged to meet Hawk and Jake there but I was first, closely followed by Caroline. I stuck to water while Caroline drank beers and we had some chicken strips to share. The 3 Dragon’s menu is good but not very Slimming World friendly so I decided having smaller portions was a good idea. Hawk arrived and had a chicken dish and Jake didn’t eat. Another guy, Jack, joined us and we all talked for a while. I could see Caroline was looking a bit tired so I suggested we leave and we said our goodbyes. I paid for our food and drinks which came to about 400,000VND (£12.57) as it was definitely my turn. Back at Caroline’s, we were met with a bit of an issue; her newly fitted thumbprint door access wouldn’t work and we couldn’t get in to her apartment. Jake had been in previously and had also left Vee out on the balcony so she was distressed when Caroline asked the landlord to climb up to get in. He couldn’t get in as Jake had locked that door so he had to climb back down and try the door knob again, and again! When we finally got in, busting for a wee, we stayed up talking and Caroline booked her hotel for tomorrow night – her and Vee were going to stay at The Sheraton hotel, near to Captain Caveman and I, in Danang.
While Captain Caveman started his cycle ride from Phong Nha Farmstay on Friday 29th March, I was already begging for mercy a little bit. We’d woken up without any drinking water in the house so Caroline had ordered some to be delivered and gone to 9 Grains Bakery. She wanted me to join her but I needed to shower and I wasn’t ready. Off she went while I revisited Day 2 of the 3 Day Canva course I had started. I was quite happily getting in to it when Caroline returned and started taking her door knob and lock off. She had bought a door knob which only opens with your thumb print and she was looking at how to fix it on. I remember thinking it would be a nightmare for me, my fingers often can’t turn on, off, up or down a ring on the electric hob in Turkey, never mind let me in to my own home when I’ve had a few drinks and am desperate for a wee. Caroline gave up faffing after a bit and insisted we go back to 9 Grains for lunch. I was hungry as it was almost 2pm so off we went. Jake, a friend, had returned from Cambodia and she’d offered him the use of her motorbike. He’d left his bicycle at 9 Grains and it needed riding back to Caroline’s place. After a chicken, cheese, lettuce and onion sandwich on sourdough, some fruit and a berry juice I tackled the ride back on the busy road. I’m not very confident around traffic and we had a lorry in the way which meant a diversion through the fields, but I made it. By 4.30pm I was back at the Chiropractor for another session with Dr An and is team. This time they used a giant vibrator on my back, which was pretty nice and I was stretched on the decompression machine, yet again. I was now 2cm taller than I was when I got to Hoi An. Maybe this was a good plan; to report to Fat Club that I’d grown instead of becoming any lighter!
I got changed in to a frock in the toilet after my final chiropractor session. The chiropractor had cost just 250,000VND (£7.90) per session but I’d paid only £15 for about 5 hours’ worth. The crux of my issue was that my thighs and hip muscles were too tight! There wasn’t much time before our next bit of excitement as Caroline picked me up in a golf buggy to drive us to Apggujung Korean BBQ restaurant. Joining us were Dr An, the chiropractor, a customer of his, Hawk and his wife, Hong. Caroline and I were the first there as it started to rain heavily just as we got there and the others were delayed. By the time the 6 of us were seated I’d come to the conclusion that I disliked grape soju, a Korean rice wine. I was also feeling a bit out of sorts after the therapy and was extremely tired. While I was feeling jaded from laying down or resting for most of the day, Captain Caveman had made the 135km from Phong Nha to Dong Ha and was having a beer and some food. Our Korean BBQ was fantastic and definitely one of my favourite meals. I’d paid 850,000VND (£26.87) which included Caroline and I paying for the chiro and his friend’s rice wine. Hawk and Hong, who don’t drink, sensibly left after the meal but the remaining 4 of us went in to town for a bit of a knees up.
I was conscious of money so was going to take it easy. We went to a trendy little cocktail bar next to a temple, where Caroline and the 2 fellas had a few mango daiquiris and I nursed a glass of white wine. They decided to try a new cocktail which Nick (not his real name) and his bar man performed for the customers. It was a red concoction, where fire and gold leaf were involved. My stomach can’t handle normal food so I wasn’t up for swallowing precious metals. We all had a laugh that they were covered in glitter and would be having sparkling shits tomorrow. Dr An picked up the tab for the drinks so I needn’t have restricted myself to 2 drinks, but I didn’t want to be cheeky. When we tried to get a Grab home, Caroline was a bit tiddly and got a bit annoyed with the Grab motorbike driver who wanted to charge us an expensive 100,000VND (£3.16) and get both of us on the bike at once. Dr An and his friend had a car and tried to offer us a lift which Caroline, for some unknown reason, had declined. In the end, we couldn’t get another Grab so we both got on the motorbike with (surprisingly) enough room. When we got to her’s she gave him 300,000VND (£9.48), well over the odds, and some words on not ripping foreigners off. The night didn’t end there, Caroline and I stayed awake, talking, until 4am! We’d had an amazing day and night but tomorrow was my last full day in Hoi An.
Caroline and I woke up on Thursday 28th March with Vee still between us on the bed. She’d obviously decided her mom needed guarding or that she was not missing out on the girls’ sleep over. Caroline had no specific plans, as she was feeling unwell still, so we headed to 9 Grains Bakery so that I could have breakfast and she could go to the chemist. I had an earl grey tea and a fruit salad with yoghurt and granola. While Caroline brought back dehydration sachets of industrial strength and some charcoal tablets, we watched the flour delivery. It looked like a scene from a Pablo Escobar documentary.
Our next stop was for some pampering at Golden Girls Spa, on Phan Boi Chau street in Hoi An. As Caroline (and Vee) are friends with the owners and frequent the place regularly we were given the royal treatment at great prices. Even without mate’s rates, though, the prices and services were good and a pedicure with normal polish was 125,000VND (£3.95). I really enjoyed my pedicure and the leg massage that it included. Vee even got a cute and quick massage too while Caroline had a manicure, a leg and a shoulder massage.
In the late afternoon we were at the Chiropractor where I got more of the same treatment but a bit more of the machines, including an exercise one where my legs were worked. While we were doing all that, Captain Caveman was over at the Phong Nha Farmstay getting ready for a practice cycle with some of his fellow Saigon Children’s Charity cyclists. Caroline had needed to pick up her glasses and a pair of trousers she’d had made, which hadn’t been ready yet so she popped off to drop Vee back at home.
The 3 Dragons pub was our choice for a bite to eat, another one on the list of places we’ve visited often. It is a sports bar so we sat outside, hoping to avoid whatever sporting event was on the big screens. I was quite hungry as we hadn’t had time for lunch and it was almost 5pm. I ordered the pork ribs with BBQ sauce and fries and I had a small San Miguel beer which came to a total of 335,000VND (£10.59) and was rather good. Caroline had an Aperol spritz and a burger.
By 7.20pm we had gone to see Caroline’s business partner, Le, at one of his other business ventures. Pho May is a small Vietnamese restaurant, popular with Koreans, where we had a beer each and I had to try the prawn and pork wontons. They were amazing but very filling and our bill was paid for by either Caroline or Le.
Caroline had insisted that Le come meet us after he finished work so, after a quick drink at The Box, we went to Salt pub to meet him. It was very nice, Caroline knew the owner so we chatted for a bit, we had a go on the seesaw (as you do), before going to sit by the beach. We tried to order frozen margaritas but we had a bit of trouble so settled on normal ones. Caroline insisted on getting the bill again which came to 625,000VND (£19.76) for 4 margaritas and a bottle of Huda.
In the absence of scales I got up and fished out my trusty tape measure on Wednesday 27th March. Today would be the 3rd Dalyan (Not so) Fat Club I’d not attended, since being in Vietnam. I was missing it but we had a group chat on Messenger that was keeping me going with support from other members and Carol. My pee was the colour of treacle and I was severely dehydrated after yesterday’s overly long journey and the amount of wine I’d had last night. This week my total syn consumption was 352, more than 3 times my allowance, and 197 of those syns were on alcohol. So, I was very surprised with my results this week; Bust no change and still 1cm under target, Waist -2cm and back at target, Hips -1cm and back at target. It was a miracle but I was already aware this could catch up with me next week! Captain Caveman topped up my SIM card from Phong Nha but I didn’t know how to get a phone package on so Caroline booked me her Grab driver to come get me. She also met me outside the hotel and we then changed plans. She gave my bag to the driver and asked him to put it in her apartment, he had a key. Then I got on the back of her scooter and we went to 9 Grains Bakery, which she co-owns. Once there, I was treated to a pot of earl grey tea and an amazing pain au chocolat for breakfast. While there, the Grab driver sent a photo of my bag in her house which was so nice. I met Le, Caroline’s business partner, who helped me put a package on my phone. We also met up with Hawk, a fitness guru and motorbike tour guide from the Uk. He and I met years ago through Captain Caveman, we get on well and he’s now one of Caroline’s best mates. It was good to see him and have a bit of English banter. At 11.30am I also got a great cheese, lettuce and onion sandwich on sourdough and a peppermint tea for an early lunch.
Our next adventure was a trip to Mommy Shark, my favourite swimwear shop in Vietnam. Here I bought some more of the cycling shorts with secret pockets at only 245,000VND (£7.73), a green baggy t-shirt at 250,000VND (£7.88), and a black lightweight top for 300,000VND (£9.46). A total of 795,000VND (£25.06) was expensive for my unemployed budget but also necessary if I was going to be travelling by motorbike more often. We got back on the motorbike and went to Caroline’s house which was really lovely. Vee, the dog, was super cute too and as we walked her, we met the neighbour’s puppy.
Caroline took me with her to her chiropractor later in the afternoon and, while I was there, she paid for me to have a session. It was definitely strange and I had about 90 minutes of Tens machine, manipulation and back stretching on a decompression machine not unlike some kind of horizontal electric chair. Dr An, the chiropractor, recommended I come back for 2 more sessions and could tell I wasn’t quite back to normal from my injury 3 years ago.
That evening we ate at Blue Fin restaurant in An Bang where it was my turn to pay. Here’s what we had; 6 frozen margaritas 380,000 Pulled pork tacos 190,000 1 truffle and mushroom pizza 220,000 1 burger patty and fried egg 75,000 + Vat 76,800 Total 941,800VND (£29.72). The food was really good and I really enjoyed it. The burger and egg was for Vee, the dog, who snaffled it down super quick with it being her favourite meal there. Unfortunately, a horny street dog came over and was being a pain so Caroline had to take Vee home and come back. She also wasn’t feeling too good and had a bad stomach. The food and cocktails were excellent but it wasn’t a late night. Caroline and I shared her bed, which was pretty big and we had our own quilt each (game changer when sharing a bed). Vee came on to the bed for a snuggle with an expectation that she would go to her bed after a while but we all fell asleep together.
On Tuesday 26th March I was taking the 7am bus from Phong Nha to Hoi An, where I was meeting up with an old friend. Caroline had kindly invited me to stay with her and her dog, Vee, near the An Bang beach area of Hoi An. Captain Caveman had booked me a cheap hotel for the first night, just so that I had somewhere definite and then I could move to Caroline’s one bedroom apartment the next day, until Sunday, when I was off to Danang. I always have a bad stomach whenever I need to travel and I was not looking forward to the journey, one bit. I was due to arrive in Hoi An at 3pm, 8 hours later, on a sleeper bus with no toilet. At 6.30am, Captain Caveman was still in the room, finishing off showering so he said to go and he would catch me up to wave me off in town. Mr Diep Le drove me on his motorbike to the bus and I had to remind him where the Hanh Luyen bus company office was. The bus was already there, I still didn’t have a working phone so I tried to message Captain Caveman using free WiFi nearby to tell him I was already on board and ready to depart. The buses often claim they have WiFi but don’t give out the password or say it’s not working. I was a bit sad that I wouldn’t get to say goodbye or wish him well for his forthcoming Saigon Children’s Charity bicycle ride. I got comfy in my seat with a neck pillow and my rucksack with me. I never put anything I don’t have to, in the luggage boot as I’ve heard of it ‘going missing’ before. The driver never lets westerners take seats near the front and often bully us white people in to the back seats. I knew this so chose one about halfway back behind the driver. There are 3 rows and all the seats recline in to beds and have a pillow and storage for shoes, which you have to take off. We set off and turned around to pick up more people along the way. The last pick up in Phong Nha was at Tree House, where Captain Caveman was stood to say bye. I got back off the bus and gave him a hug and a kiss, he would next see me at the cycle event finish line in Danang (if I could find it in time, this year). I did manage to get some sleep, a drowsy type antihistamine (for my mozzie bites) helped. However, at 11.30am we had a bit of an issue; we were just outside Hue when we got a flat tyre. It was incredibly hot but the bus pulled in to a petrol station with toilets. All of us westerners got off and some of the Vietnamese stayed sleeping on the bus. The toilets weren’t the best squat toilets I’ve seen but they definitely weren’t the worst and I had tissues with me and they had soap! Some passengers tried to buy refreshments at the petrol station but it wasn’t that type where there was a shop. They had a chest fridge, no water, and just some random drinks like birds nest soup in a can or Super Horse energy drink. I ate 2 apples and drank 0.5 litre of my water (brought with me from the hotel) then got talking to a Dutch and an Australian passenger. Between us, we decided the bus was going nowhere and in the relentless heat it was getting uncomfortable. We decided to order a Grab taxi to take us to Hoi An. It would cost us about 2,000,000VND (£63) between 4 of us which was the price of the whole bus journey each again. It was also only the price of a bottle of wine and, while Captain Caveman had given me some spending money, I was willing to blow it on a taxi. I got my bag off the bus which, by now, was a sweat box with Vietnamese passengers still in there and the engine off. The taxi arrived and the bus driver came over to say we shouldn’t go as the repair mechanic was on his way and we would be ready to go within the hour. They were quite insistent and obviously didn’t want a complaint or to have to refund (neither of which we were bothered about). We reluctantly agreed and the taxis took the passengers who were destined for Hue, close by. By 12.24pm the mechanic had arrived and, rather impressively, jacked up the bus and changed the tyre. At 1pm we were all back on the oven temperature bus, begging for the AC to blast on, as we carried on our journey.
At just after 3pm, already a couple of hours late, but having got there sooner than I thought we would, we arrived in Danang bus station. This is where anyone for Hoi An was meant to change on to that bus. I went to get off and there were lots of shouty taxi drivers crowding my exit asking if I wanted a taxi. When I put my Vietnamese porter sandals on to the floor to put back on, they all looked at me and I said ‘Quang Binh’, which is the Province of Phong Nha. They retreated to give me more space, looked impressed that I had the army shoes and stopped hassling me. Of course, the Hoi An bus connection had already been missed so a taxi had been arranged for me, the Dutch girl and 2 Australian ladies. We were escorted in to the car and told to wait a few minutes. After 10 minutes of waiting and a local driver giving us some Banh Ep (a cracker type snack) with his dirty hands and a fag on, we were still not moving. We ended up waiting for another passenger, which the driver lied to us about. We were told it was a passenger who had been forgotten so we were patient and felt sorry for them. The girl arrived, looking fresh, and had come from Phong Nha on the 9am bus, with no issues at all. We should have took the taxi when we had the chance. The driver took all of our individual hotel addresses and said he would drop each of us off. I was dubious about that and said I wanted dropping off at the Hoi An bus station. Captain Caveman had specifically booked my hotel within walking distance of the bus station and marked it on my maps to be able to use offline. We drove almost an hour to Hoi An and the driver dropped me first. It wasn’t at the actual bus station and I didn’t have a working phone to know where I was so I took a photo of the Dutch girl’s phone. Then the driver decided he wanted to charge each of the other passengers 50,000VND (£1.58) to continue to their respective hotels. The Aussie ladies got out and said no at first but then realised another Grab would be more. I left and started walking in a direction I thought might be the right one. I passed a Gioi Di Dong phone shop and realised I might be able to get a SIM card so turned back. Around 4.30pm I had paid for my SIM and given my passport and all was going well until the staff member took my photo. Once again, many attempts were made but my photographed face did not match my passport face so they were unable to give me a SIM card. They returned my passport, refunded me the money and pointed me in the direction of Hai Ba Trung street, where I was staying. When I arrived at Hoi An Old Town Hostel at 5.40pm, looking like I’d been through the mill quite a bit, the receptionist upgraded me to a lovely room with 2 double beds. I got the WiFi password and, of course, had messages from Captain Caveman and Caroline wondering where I’d got to. After a quick call to both and the fastest shower ever, I was back outside the hotel ready to meet my Grab motorbike.
At 6pm Caroline had sent her motorbike Grab driver to get me and he was ready and waiting to take me to meet her at Le Cabanon. It’s one of my favourite restaurants in Hoi An and does some lovely french food and wine. When we arrived the driver gave me a SIM card for free, as he was helping me out. How nice of him! Caroline was excited to see me and looked well. She had already got a bottle of Saint Joseph 2020 red wine on the go and so I joined her. It was weigh day tomorrow but I was about to overindulge after not eating all day, aside from 2 apples and a mushroom flavoured cereal bar, so I was hungry. We shared a baked camembert with bread and salad, french sausage and potatoes with mustard and a beef stew. We couldn’t eat it all but we did manage a second bottle of wine. I was conscious of the prices but Caroline had insisted this was her treat, which was very kind. We finished the night with a soda water and she dropped me off at the hotel in a Grab car after a really lovely night. Tomorrow, I would move in to her’s and it was about to be a hectic week!
I had planned to work my last 3 hours of the week on Thursday 1st June, however, it made sense to finish them tomorrow. Instead, we had breakfast at the Silkian Hotel then got ready and packed to check out before noon. We had an expensive day ahead of us as we were heading over to Danang for a couple of nights. But first I was off shopping at one of the best swimwear places in Hoi An. During Covid lockdown, Mommy Shark had helped me out with getting some swimmers and shorts sent up to me in Phong Nha (without having been in the shop) and they had fit. Now we were actually going to the shop which was a bit tricky to find but did have AC and a fan. Na and her mom greeted us and welcomed us in to the overstocked shop. I explained what I was looking for, she plonked Captain Caveman down on a seat with a fan and then started to sift through piles of items for me to try on. I tried a lot of bikinis and shorts on, some of which looked good, others that didn’t suit me or Captain Caveman didn’t like. We both loved the cycling shorts with hidden pockets in though and their matching bra tops.
Here’s what I bought at Mommy Shark and the prices in Vietnamese Dong: 1 red & white bikini 350,000 1 floral bikini 450,000 1 zebra print bikini 680,000 1 black bikini shorts 220,000 3 cycling shorts 750,000 2 sports bra tops 600,000 Total spent 3,050vnd (£97.60)
I wasn’t planning on buying so much but after losing weight, there was so much more stuff that fitted me and it’s better to get it when you can. I thought the prices were extremely good value too. We said our goodbyes and called a grab to head to the Meliora Hotel in Danang. We were a bit early for check in so the receptionist gave us a bottle of water and we sat in reception to wait, it was melting hot outside. Once in the room we made use of the washing machine and I got my Mommy Shark purchases out. We had to hurry along though as we had places to be and people to meet, as is usual.
After drinking 2 cold beers, which I’d got from the shop next door for 11,818vnd (38p) each and waiting for the washing to finish, Captain Caveman and I decided to visit an old favourite restaurant. The Nomad Kitchen, which was within walking distance from our hotel, had changed premises and no longer had AC. It did have a roof top with a bit of breeze and some fans so we went up there. We each ordered a glass of wine, I fancied the chicken salad as I had bikinis to look good in, Captain Caveman ordered pasta. The food was great, more wine was had (we should have ordered a bottle) and then his friend and former colleague came to meet us. Katie, her husband Sasha and her little baby, Sam, are really lovely and we spent a couple of hours with them chatting. We had a complimentary cheese cake, said hello to the owner and our friends shared a generous portion of fish and chips which looked great. I forgot to take a note of the bill as Captain Caveman paid online.
In the evening, I collected my new glasses from the opticians while slightly squiffy and was convinced I couldn’t see as well as before. The optician suggested I wear them and check again tomorrow. Captain Caveman treated us both to a fantastic meal at another one of our favourite restaurants, Olivia’s Steakhouse. Here’s what we had and the prices;
1 pepper sauce 65,000 1 750ml still water 70,000 1 grilled sweetcorn 100,000 1 macaroni cheese 120,000 1 grilled asparagus 145,000 1 bottle red wine 950,000 2 250g fillet steaks 2,400,000 5% service charge 196,000 Total spent 4,116,000vnd (£131.71)
This was probably the most expensive meal we’d had in Vietnam so far but it really was worth it. We were served complimentary bread and dips, which Captain Caveman asked for seconds of and we weren’t charged for. We also got 3 shots of complimentary chocolate vodka each for our dessert. Olivia’s has been one of our favourites for a while and the new venue was a winner. We also felt really lucky to have been able to go as Captain Caveman had only just got confirmation that he didn’t have to go back to work earlier than expected. We were back at the hotel by 9pm as I wanted to be up early for work tomorrow.
Wednesday 31st May was another busy day in Hoi An; I worked from 6.45-8.15am, before breakfast. It was weigh day but I had no scales so I just took my measurements. My bust was the same, my waist had increased by 6cm and my hips by 3cm – not a good result, but hardly surprising. Captain Caveman and I ate in the Silkian Hotel for breakfast and it was ok but nothing special. I went back to work for another 2.5 hours while Captain Caveman had gone out looking at phones. I got a grab taxi to meet him for lunch at Baba’s Kitchen, the Indian restaurant. We both ordered the masala dosa but, when it came, mine had chillies in. I didn’t realise until it was too late and I’d already eaten quite a bit and had to have a cheeky lunchtime beer to help take the burn off. I got a taxi back to the hotel, I left Captain Caveman to his own devices and managed a whole hour of work before I became ill. My stomach swelled so much that it looked like I had swallowed a football or was about to give birth and I spent far too long in the bathroom. I measured my waist again to find it was 24cm bigger than when I was in Dalyan and 15cm bigger than before I ate chillies a couple of hours ago! I also had very swollen cankles! I was worried I wasn’t going to make it out tonight, as arranged, to meet 2 of our lovely friends.
Not being one to miss a night out and, after a very short rest, antihistamines and Maalox, I was ready to go out out. Looking and feeling like I was pregnant, I went to meet Captain Caveman. He was already with our friends, Steve and June, at Market Bar and I managed to navigate a Grab taxi to find the bar. It was a lovely place with 2 for 1 on gins so I had two with cucumber and two with cocoa nibs (as you do). It was great to see our friends to catch up after 11 months of not seeing them. They took us to a lovely French restaurant, Le Petit Bistro, in Hoi An, which their friend owns and it was an absolute delight. June and I ordered the rum punch and we tried some nibbles courtesy of the chef. The staff were lovely and we all ordered main meals, I had wine, the men had beer and June was on the water. My beef stew was gorgeous and not particularly diet friendly. By 9.30pm it was home time, back to the Silkian Hotel for our last night. Tomorrow we had more exciting plans!
Tuesday 30th May was jam-packed with activity and a bit of drama! We left the Deluxe Boutique Hotel by pre-booked taxi, just as the sun was rising. Our flight with Air Asia was at 7.25am from Chiang Mai to Danang, we were off back to Vietnam with my 30 day visa. At the airport we didn’t get any breakfast or a drink but instead we spent 970 of the 1,000 Thai Baht hotel deposit on Duty Free. I chose a bottle a bottle of Prosecco and a bottle of Hardy’s red wine which came to £21.55. Our luggage allowance on the flight was only 7kg so Captain Caveman had taken most of the fresh laundry in his bag as I think mine weighed heavier because of my lap top. We landed in Danang around 10am and went to the official taxi queue where the man with the lanyard walked us over to a car and driver. The car was not an My Linh or a Vina Sun taxi, it didn’t have a yellow plate and there was something odd about the chubby taxi driver with foreign arm tattoos. We got to the opticians where I had an appointment at 11am but we were early, when we asked how much to the driver. He tried to more than double the fare and wouldn’t let us out. Captain Caveman told him the money was in the bag in the boot so he let him out while I was winding the window down to try to let myself out but it was locked. Captain Caveman gave the driver half of what he asked for but then he got aggressive, telling him to get back in the car. I took photos so that we could (yet again) report it to the airport authorities and Captain Caveman told him to F off. Once in the opticians we were a bit wound up and this was not the first time for it to happen to me. It was concerning as this could be a reason tourists would not return to Vietnam. Captain Caveman said he would report it and I sent him the photo evidence, which I luckily got. I had my eye test appointment and decided on transitional lenses in my new glasses to save swapping normal glasses to sunglasses all the time. I had all the protective/glare stuff on and finally picked some lightweight transitional specs to the total tune of 3,660,000vnd (£117.12) – so much cheaper than in the UK.
Our next stop was a taxi ride to Hoi An for us to check in at the Silkian Hotel, we used Grab to be safer. Captain Caveman had picked it because it was new, had a good price and was close to Caroline’s cafe. Unfortunately, Caroline had took off on an impromptu trip to Cambodia so we didn’t know if we would get to see her this trip. The hotel was nice, the staff friendly and our room was lovely. We dumped our stuff and popped to 9 Grains (Caroline’s cafe) for our lunch because we’d had no breakfast. We both had juices, hot drinks and bacon sandwiches all of which were great and I spotted, and bought, the last bar of ‘my’ particular soap which is made from coconut and helps my eczema. I worked from 1.30-6.30pm with super whizzy free internet at the hotel room, while Captain Caveman entertained himself and booked a table for dinner.
The Slimming World diet had not been going well of late but I really did push the boat out at Le Cabanon, one of my favourite restaurants in Hoi An. We ate baked camembert with rosemary and honey, a Cochonne pizza to share, drank 2 bottles of Viognier wine and thoroughly enjoyed it.
Our bill was as follows: Camembert 360,000 Pizza 170,000 2 bottles of wine 1,360,000 Total spent 1,890,000vnd (£60.48)
There was an offer on for wine and pizza so our actual bill was less than this in the end. It was so hot in there and the waiter was absolutely fantastic as it was very busy so Captain Caveman did leave a tip.
We decided to have a little walk to find a bar Captain Caveman had been recommended, called Mescal. I was so impressed when we walked in as the building is amazing and it’s hard to find. Captain Caveman had an Old Fashioned while I went completely mad and ordered a trio of tequilas with a watermelon sangria. For 240,000vnd (£7.68) it was definitely up there with the most memorable drink choice I’ve ever had the pleasure of. It took me ages to drink it so Captain Caveman had a second Old Fashioned which were 250,000vnd (£8) each. I don’t recall getting back to the hotel that night!
On Monday 25th July we were up early and ready for adventure! Instead, we were about to embark on a bit of a mental Monday! I’d arranged for us to meet Caroline (who used to live in Phong Nha) at 9 Grains Bakery & Cafe in Hoi An, at 9.30am. She is now one of the 2 owners of it and they do great croissants so we decided we would meet her there for a civilised catch up. With our croissants I had a lovely pot of earl grey tea and Captain Caveman had a couple of espressos made with the freshly delivered Faifo Roastery coffee. The cafe soon filled up with expat families and Vietnamese groups and the AC was nice and cool. By about 11am Caroline had suggested we go to the beach but she needed to change, so we would go to her place, just around the corner. As we left, she gave me a bar of handmade coconut soap, which they make and sell in the cafe. My eczema had been playing up on my neck again so this would be good to use. Captain Caveman walked it, while I had a lift on Caroline’s Royal Enfield Himalayan motorbike.
When we arrived Vee, the dog, was barking and had a new friend, Bindi. The new friend was blind and was just here until she could go to her new home. Caroline’s new apartment was lovely and, once we had been given the tour round and got acquainted with the dogs, wine was ordered. We chatted loads and we took the piss out of each other, especially when we learned that Caroline had been the subject of a funny rumour. People had said that when she worked in the Australian Navy she had been a pastry chef, hence her now running a bakery – she wasn’t! Caroline made popcorn, well she is a chef, and we got through 2 bottles of wine with ice and soda before ordering more from the shop. Captain Caveman had arranged to meet up with some friends later but I was concerned we were getting a bit too merry to do that.
By 6pm Caroline had friends, Jake and Hawk, turn up and was almost setting fire to her own tea towel, while making more popcorn. I thought I’d met Jake before, he seemed familiar, but he said not. He then had to leave because he’d lost his wallet and his phone. Hawk, who we knew already, is a fitness instructor so didn’t have an alcoholic drink. Caroline can be a bit of a booze bully, a quality I like in a mate, so I continued on the white wine while her and Captain Caveman went on to beers. I took over making popcorn and I definitely shouldn’t have because Caroline had burned the pan already on the last lot and I almost set the towel on fire again. We were meant to be elsewhere at 5pm but at 6pm I was taking photos, still at Caroline’s place. I thought we left earlier but my camera said we were still there at 7.15pm so I think we may have upset Captain Caveman’s friends. We got a taxi and things were a bit hazy as to what happened for the next hour. I had wrongly assumed we had been back to the hotel to change to go out, but we didn’t.
By 8.45pm we were tucking in to starters of chicken livers wrapped in bacon and halloumi cheese, drinking a rather nice bottle of red wine and chatting to the restaurant owner. We were at Olivia’s Steak House in Danang, where Scott is the friendly owner of this place, as well as Dirty Fingers. For mains Captain Caveman and I both ordered an Australian steak which we had with macaroni cheese, asparagus, onions, cheesy jacket potato and pepper sauce. It was delicious and we both really enjoyed the food. The waitress was new and really lovely, she dealt with Captain Caveman well when he complained he didn’t get the drinking water quickly enough. After dinner it is customary at Olivia’s to be given a shot of ice cold chocolate vodka and this time was no different. We had to do it in 2 goes because we were already too drunk and I was trying to get a video of us doing the shots. When we called the Grab taxi and went out to get it, the car cancelled and was nowhere to be seen so Captain Caveman was cheesed off. In the end we paid 200,000vnd (£7) to go back to the hotel in one of those golf buggy type things. I was chuffed as I think they are cool and it stopped either of us risking being sick in a taxi. The whole of our Monday had been a tad mental, by the time I got in to bed I already knew tomorrow would hurt!
I had a croissant for breakfast on Monday 25th April and was extra tired from not getting much sleep. I’d still got the winter quilt on so it was a tad warm and I’d slept in the spare room because of the handle coming off the ensuite bathroom in the main bedroom. I was meant to go over to collect my stuff from Mark and Kate’s house today but I couldn’t be bothered, instead I went to get some essentials from the supermarket. I had a simit and cheese spread for lunch and didn’t do much else really. I booked in for Pilates tomorrow and I got news that a friend was arriving in Dalyan on Thursday so I needed a couple of days off, in readiness for more shenanigans which I imagined could get messy. For dinner I had a cup of Yorkshire tea and some pasta with Turkish sausage and pesto sauce, then for afters a Bounty chocolate bar. It was nice to be home where I could relax completely for a couple of days.
It was another easy day on Tuesday 26th April, there was meant to be a power outage in the afternoon but it never happened. My parents were staying in with a slow cooker meal that night too and it was my first time at a new Pilates class. I had Christmas cake with cheese on for breakfast and loved it. In the afternoon I walked over to Mark and Kate’s to collect the rest of my stuff and Bluey2. When I arrived they were eating the leftover Chinese meal which was quite a few days old and asked if I wanted to share it. I declined as I could see it wouldn’t sit well with my stomach and I chatted with them while Kate instructed Mark on how to warm up food in an oven, the correct way! News came that masks for the under 65s in shops and public buildings were no longer compulsory in Turkey so I was slightly concerned that there could be an increased risk of catching the virus. Before I cycled Bluey2 back home, Mark and I arranged to meet at Okyanus for a beer in the sun before the pilates class at The Room Dalyan. Our friend met us at the class and it was definitely more difficult than I anticipated. My bad leg still wouldn’t allow for certain positions but the sciatic nerve pain I’d had seemed to benefit from the stretches. I was surprised to see how good at pilates Mark was, he was pretty flexible (for a Tuesday)! After the class, Mark went home with indigestion and I met up with Drew, Ann, Sarah, her friend and Katrina at Lukka bar to say bye to Drew. He was off back to the UK and so I had a glass of wine to see him and Sarah’s mate off. After hugging and kissing Drew goodbye I went home to have a mystery meal I’d got out of the freezer earlier, it turned out to be teryaki chicken so I was lucky to have cooked rice with it. Tomorrow’s plan was to attend a big celebration for Dutch King’s Day at Waterfall bar which I’d been invited to by a couple of Dutch friends.
When the social media issue was fixed on Tuesday 5th October it was a relief and I had a message from Melissa to say she had some ice-cream left to give me, as I was sending her a message to say I had a dress which was too big for me and perhaps it would be suitable as a maternity dress for her. I went over to her place and we said goodbyes again as they headed off to see more of Turkey, it felt a little strange that almost a year ago we had spent a few days together during the floods of Phong Nha 2020, watching Harry Potter together at Elements Collection, it was also pretty cool that the first people to come to visit me in Dalyan were friends we had met in Vietnam! My next stop was the bank where I transferred quite a bit of money to Captain Caveman’s Turkish bank account to be able to pay for the bills here, I did this a bit prematurely it would turn out, as I didn’t realise there was a limit to how much I could get my hands on before my account maturity in about 3 weeks time. I finally got my internet banking set up for my Turkish accounts, which felt good and I decided to treat myself to an English breakfast at Lukka bar, I’d been here almost 2 weeks and not had one yet – I do miss a good breakfast and wouldn’t be able to resist or wait until I got to England again, after just over 3 years of being away. The breakfast consisted of bacon, sausage, beans, toast, butter, and mushrooms for me, as I don’t eat egg or tomato on my breakfast, I had 2 orange juices and 2 teas and it was really good. I met a friend of Katrina’s, who was hilarious and he gave me some good physiotherapist recommendations, he also was a fan of shockwave therapy which had cured his leg after a bad accident. Sonuç arrived for more paperwork and preparation for the forthcoming residency application and he made a phone call to Hüseyin, the translator, and the notary office. Before I knew it, we were booked to go to Ortaca notary tomorrow, which would be another step closer to the process of being able to stay here longer than 90 days, if they agree. My lunch with Leanne and my neighbours got cancelled as Leanne wasn’t well and I decided to get some much needed products from Katrina’s shop, Maizie Moo, instead. The shop is really lovely and the products are all made with natural ingredients where I picked out whipped body butter, a hair mask, a sponge which is like magic, mosquito spray and I also got a few more free samples of foot balm, face scrub and a shower/bath bomb type of product. All of it smells like you could eat it and the products I had already tried had really done wonders for my eczema, so much so that I had now stopped using the steroid cream from the pharmacy and was using only the Maizie Moo butter. I spent a total of 300 lira (£25) and got a handmade bag which looked like someone had bought me a gift, it felt wonderful being able to get something nice for myself as a treat.
At 2pm I went for my 60 minute full body massage at BC Spa which was so lovely, the guy who did my massage, Ramazan, was very careful around my injuries too, which I was pleased about. Interestingly, when he touched the left shoulder where the scar from my cyst was it felt sore and it was obvious that there was a bit more of a problem with the cyst regrowing than I realised. Back home I felt very sleepy after the massage and I watched more Line of Duty, then made my leftover Sunday roast dinner and had some of the rather lovely red wine with it. I polished off the ice-cream from the Wiringi family and as I was washing up I realised that the origami bird, which Aaliyah had made for me in Hoi An, Vietnam, was on the shelf next to me. I’d had it in my purse all this time and taken it out to put on display, then forgot to let Aaliyah know it had travelled with me to Turkey. Before bed I got an invite for tomorrow night which I would find difficult to turn down and it was, quite literally, right up my street.
It was incredibly hot in Hoi An on Friday 23rd April and I was sad to be leaving Caroline’s and Hoi An this afternoon. Before I went back to Danang, Caroline took me on her motorbike to the Roving Chill House for breakfast. It was situated in the rice fields so was looking really pretty and, to be on the safe side, I had a fruit plate and a peach tea for breakfast. Caroline had avocado and egg on toast and a coffee and she was also planning on a trip to Danang today with Neil. I was impressed that I managed to get on and off the big bike without too much hassle and it was super comfy. We went home and packed my stuff up before going to meet Melissa at Sounds of Silence, a cute cafe on the beach. It was strange to still see the damage of the floods from last year and there were workmen trying to rebuild the beach side. I had a fresh coconut while looking out over the sea and Aaliyah made me a swan from paper. Caroline and Neil joined us before their bike trip and let Aaliyah have a sit on Caroline’s bike, which she loved. I was meant to meet old friends, Ben and Hilary but their plans in Hoi An changed. I said my goodbyes to Neil, who we hoped to see in Tam Hai next month, and Caroline, who would become Poison_I_Vee tomorrow when she set off on her exciting road trip with Vee, the dog. You can check out her adventures on Instagram here: https://instagram.com/poison_i_vee400cc?igshid=zgu7641ek8n8
I arrived back at Bridges Danang Boutique Hotel on Friday 23rd April for the weekend, to a nice welcome and to check in to a bigger room for not much extra – 550,000vnd per night (£17). I was very impressed with the hotel and my room which, this time, had a sea view and a much bigger bathroom. Captain Caveman would be out of Son Doong later today and had a ticket for the 8pm bus to come to Danang for the weekend. After checking in, putting my washing in to the hotel’s great laundry service and eating some veggie rice and soup from room service I met up with Hamish and Ania.
That afternoon I had another important appointment at the opticians as I had noticed my eyesight was getting worse for distance and my glasses were very worn out. At the opticians they were very thorough and I had good news, my eyes were now both the same prescription (-3.25) and I chose some new glasses, this time I went darker. Unfortunately they would have to post them to me as they wouldn’t be ready before we went back home, but that was fine. Back at the hotel we got ready and were off to a small BBQ restaurant which Captain Caveman and I had tried and failed to go to before. They only open at weekends and do a limited amount of food which when it’s gone, it’s gone. Hamish had organised it well and we had a big table at Eazy Pickins where I joined him, Ania, Mik, Darran, Kendra, Bryan, and a couple I’d not met before. The food was unbelievably good and we all forced as much down as possible before going for one more drink at Oi Bar. I had a couple of glasses of wine and Hamish got everyone a shot but got told off because we were all too full for shots. It was a great night but Hamish, Ania and I left the others at Oi bar and went back to the hotel. I didn’t want to be hungover when Captain Caveman arrived at stupid o’clock in the morning and my ankle was a bit swelled up from a lot of walking today.
I had a lovely day in Hoi An on Thursday 22nd April with Caroline. I’d slept much later than I usually do and so our first stop was for breakfast at Rosie’s. We met Neil who had just bought a new motorbike and so they were chatting on about parts and planning a visit to the Harley Davidson shop in Danang. Neil came up with the Poison Ivy song being used as her kind of backing track and he and I sang it while waiting for our breakfast to arrive. It was really hot and sweaty so I probably shouldn’t have gone for the English breakfast, I’d come to regret the choice of sausage later. Caroline had the breakfast burritos which looked good and Neil a salad bowl with extra chicken which was a better choice than mine. Back at Caroline’s we had a much needed dip in the pool which was so lovely, we even had a glass of fizz while we swam. I had a bit of trouble getting out of the pool and ended up having to go backwards because the tiles on the side were too slippy, but she did have steps and a bath mat so all was good.
Caroline had been invited to a friend’s house party for sunset, my stomach wasn’t great after the sausages so I had a little nap and then gave belly rubs to River. Around 7.30pm Caroline came home and we decided to get a taxi to the old town for dinner. I was shocked at how quiet it was as we walked from the main street towards the river front, something I couldn’t have done last time I was here. Caroline suggested we eat at a delightful little place called Cabanon where she introduced me to the chef and owner, Gilles. We decided to have a bottle of fizz and a half baked camembert to share for starters, Caroline also ordered the pâté which I don’t normally eat. We were quite hungry because we had not eaten since breakfast and I’d taken a Gastropulgite prior to dinner to help prevent any stomach problems. The starters were fantastic and I even tried, and enjoyed, some of the pâté. For mains we decided to share our dishes of carbonara and chicken cordon bleu and the food was so good! A man on the next table heard Caroline talk about her forthcoming motorbike ride and went off to buy her a bandana for wearing underneath her helmet to keep her hair good and prevent a sweaty head – how nice of him! Back home we had a nightcap, of more fizz, while singing and dancing to music – I’d had a great time on my last night in Hoi An.
joloyolo 