Dalyan – 30th & 31st January

On Sunday 30th January it was raining in the morning, I still had washing out but it started to fine up by the time I had to go out. I thought I had set my alarm so that I could get up at 7am to go over to say bye to Jamie but I never heard it, or I had forgotten. I hate goodbyes anyway but I really was going to miss Jamie and was already looking forward to when he would next be coming back.
In the afternoon I had arranged to have Sunday lunch with Sarah and Katrina at Lukka bar. Sarah messaged me an hour early to say she was waiting for me at Tez bar and when I got there she was sat with Brian, who had suffered a recent pet bereavement. Brian is a lovely bloke who usually has some fascinating travel stories so it was sad to see he was quite upset about his poor old Bruno. Mark then rocked up and came to join us and when he heard Sarah and Brian talking about Brian’s 22 year old cat he made an animal joke which was so inappropriately timed that even I was shocked. I’d already drunk my cup of tea while listening to Brian so I ordered a red wine. I invited Brian to join us at Lukka bar but he had to get back to the rest of his menagerie. The rest of us joined Katrina and we were really looking forward to trying the new chef’s Sunday dinner. The food was good, the Yorkshire pudding was plentiful and the meat as soft as butter. There was a choice of meat, I had beef with Katrina, Sarah and Mark had lamb and Sarah was keen to share a bottle of red wine. I had quite a bit of Sunday dinner left and took some home, as did Mark, Katrina left her’s as she hadn’t been well but Sarah was on a mission to eat it all. At 6pm Katrina and Mark left and I didn’t get home until 9pm, having missed speaking to Captain Caveman. I’d had messages from him to say he’d been to the airport in Dong Hoi with customers and picked up our friend, Andrea, who was going to be in Phong Nha for a few days. They had already had lunch at Karst Villas, where she was staying, and then had a bike ride in the afternoon.

Monday 31st January, was the New Year’s Eve in Vietnam, Captain Caveman had a busy day and when he messaged me he was at Oxalis with members of the BBC and my favourite photographer, Ryan De Boodt.
I’d been keen to know what the electric bills for the apartment in Dalyan would be like, because lots of people were talking about the massive increases. When Captain Caveman sent me ours, it was very low. Granted, I had been away in England for 18 days of the previous month but it was looking ok even if it was triple the price, as others had found it. The next bill was due on the 5th February so we would find out then and, as January is generally the coldest month in Turkey, I was not unduly worried.
I had one of Sara’s Chelsea buns for breakfast and then decided I would make a slow cooker chicken chasseur which I could have with rice later for dinner. After getting most of the washing dry I went to change the bedding only to discover that the duvets on the beds were the summer ones! No wonder I had felt cold, but it looked like the cleaner had got mixed up when she had last changed the bedding and put the lower togged quilts on. The builders were back working on the new villa next door as they had started to put on the roof.
I ate my delicious dinner with a couple of glasses of chilled rosé wine (a gift from my friend, Janet) and was watching old episodes of Below Deck on Netflix when there was an earthquake in the nearby town of Ortaca but it wasn’t a bad one. As Tet approached, Captain Caveman and I had a video call and we both drank wine, he got peckish and snaffled down some reheated bangers and mash. I told him how much I would miss celebrating Tet with him and our friends this year. I’d not been in Turkey this late in to January before and, while I was enjoying it, I would have preferred to be in Phong Nha for Tet holiday – maybe next year! It was also the first call we had in the 4 months apart where he said he loved me and missed me. We still had 7 months to go until our planned reunion so it was going to be a tough year!

Dalyan – 28th & 29th January

It was surprising to find that I had not put on any weight when I got on the scales on Friday 28th January. I was now back to my pre-Christmas weight, having lost 0.5kg this week. I had one of Sara’s Chelsea buns for breakfast, as I read that the Corona cases in Phong Nha were on the rise and testing was being carried out in the local area. Dalyan still had some hotspots but for now I was in a low risk area. I met Ann at Jiks for a second breakfast and a bit of a chat about our plans for leaving drinks with Jamie later – we were definitely going to miss him! After saying I was going to dress up I realised I didn’t have that many dressy winter clothes here in Dalyan, so I got the options out and sent photos to Ann for her to help me choose. She came to mine before the night out and even lent me a cardigan to go over my poppy dress and thermal footless tights.
At Sofra bar, as well as it being a leaving party for Jamie, it was Şükrü’s 40th birthday party so the place was busy. The dancing started with Şükrü, Natalie and friends getting everyone up for songs like the ‘Cha Cha Slide’ and ‘Follow the Leader’ and of course I joined in. By 10pm there was a full dancefloor and a couple of rude aprons were out. The female apron had a body of a woman with a large bosom and sexy lingerie while the male one was naked but holding his fishing rod! I put the woman one on and gave Şükrü the other one to wear, then everyone wanted to swap the pinnies as often as the songs changed and it was hilarious. By this time Ann and I had got a bottle of prosecco on the go, we were sipping it on account of it costing 250 lira (£13.60) but we were mainly dancing. There isn’t actually a specific dance floor in Sofra bar so it was busy and we just danced wherever we liked. My leg was definitely getting better and I had missed dancing so much. By the end of the night I was downstairs doing tequila shots with the girls for our belated birthday celebrations, having a right old laugh!
You know it’s a good night when there is only 2 photos on my phone and I didn’t leave until after midnight!

When I woke up on Saturday 29th January I was pretty hungover but I did still have my phone. I had a vague recollection of agreeing to go to Jazz Bar last night but by the time we were all leaving Sofra it was closed anyway. I ate a Chelsea bun for breakfast and texted the girls from last night to check everyone was ok – we were all as hungover as each other it turned out! I decided I was definitely staying home today and I got a pasta bolognese out of the freezer to have for dinner. I thought I would hear from Captain Caveman as he was due out of Son Doong today but he went straight to Chay Lap for the after party and forgot. After dinner I was sat watching TV and wondering why my legs ached so much when I got a message to ask if I was coming to Sofra tonight. No! There was no way I could go out again so I politely declined the kind offer and had a quiet night in.

Dalyan – 24th & 25th January

I have no idea what time it was when I went to bed in the early hours of Monday 24th January after the frivolities of the night before’s Comedy night at Lukka Bar. The initial CSI style evidence check downstairs showed that we had drank whiskey, white wine and red wine, there was a coffee cup but I don’t have coffee in the house. I found soda water and Coke zero in the fridge, the apartment was very tidy still, there was a nice scarf on the sofa, a pair of black leather gloves, a couple of blankets and lots of glitter! I checked my phone and gleaned information from the other ‘party people’ that when we got back I had put Rod Stewart on the music channel, which was great as I didn’t even know how to, and it must have been a request as it would never be my choice of artist. I messaged the rest of the gang to all meet in Jiks at 1.30pm for a ‘post-piss-up’ debrief over much needed food, not realising at the time that most wouldn’t make it.
At Jiks there was a glimmer of sun so they had all the doors open and it was freezing, I was the first to arrive and ordered an orange juice and a cup of tea. Due to hangovers it was a slim turn out, I had a bacon sandwich and another juice, I could hardly eat it and was about to go back home to bed but the sun was out and a window table became free so we moved.
I was about to go home, after leaving most of my breakfast, when Roy had the bright idea to have a wander round to Tez bar for a bit more sun as it was really warming up a bit now. As it was on my way home we decided to join some others there and this time I had an IPA blonde beer, a hair of the dog at 3pm. Captain Caveman got in touch, he asked how my comedy night had gone but I didn’t get to speak to him as I was still out. I made my 1 beer last until 2 more friends arrived then had one more beer. I’d almost forgotten that I’d agreed to go to the Wonky’s quiz but I couldn’t do it alone so messaged Jamie for reinforcements.

At Wonky’s I ordered a mini burger which came with chips for just 50 lira (£2.71) and decided the only way to get through a quiz with a hangover was wine. Jamie commented that it looked like I had got dressed using a charity bag as I was wearing Christmas patterned trousers, a pink t-shirt, a camouflage hoody, a multicoloured scarf and a black coat – fetching, but I had only gone out for breakfast! Everyone enjoyed the quiz but most of it was way beyond me, even The Beatles section which I thought I would be good at. It turned in to a mental Monday evening and Jamie got told off by the quizmaster for having his phone out (he was reading an email) and people were smoking indoors which I didn’t like as it made my cough come back again. As another bottle of wine was ordered to get us through the rest of the quiz, we made friends with a new couple in town who had just moved to Dalyan. Debbie left first as she still wasn’t feeling well, then Sarah as it was a school night, then Roy. As the rest of us were about to leave, it started to snow so we had another drink thinking it would stop but it just got worse. It was definitely after midnight when I went outside to check how bad the snow was for my walk home and saw that it was settling and coming down very quickly. I did have my boots on, but not my wellies, and I certainly had enough layers of clothes to be warm enough but I knew I was drunk and shouldn’t walk home alone.
I was walking (actually drunkenly skipping) down the newly concreted bar street while sticking my tongue out to catch snow on it. It felt so strange but fun until I put my hands in my pocket and noticed I didn’t have my phone. I was suddenly stone cold sober – not my phone!!
I went to bed, as I went to turn the light off my glass of red wine from Sunday night still sat in my Jacqueline De Plonk glass on the bedside drawers!

On Tuesday 25th January I didn’t even wake up with a hangover, just a snowy Dalyan and a real panic that I had lost my phone and that really upset me – I can’t believe I would be so careless!
I got up and decided I was going to go out to try to find it and report to the authorities. There was no way anyone could get hold of me without it and only Jamie had my new Turkish phone number. I was hungry so I had some buttered toast for breakfast and had just eaten it when there was a knock at my door. It was Jamie with my phone – I was so excited and relieved. He had received calls and arranged a meet up with the person who took my phone by mistake at the quiz. Dave, the new man in town, had mistakenly put it in his coat pocket during the Wonky’s quiz and hadn’t realised until he got home! Jamie and Dave had arranged to meet up this morning to return it which I was very grateful for. I was definitely happy about getting the phone back and was looking forward to a quiet day and night today but I’d already arranged to go to Jamie’s with Ann and Nanny Kay for a Sunday roast – it was all go!
Captain Caveman messaged to say he was off to his Son Doong briefing tonight and would be off in to the cave for 4 days with customers tomorrow and I was pleased he was busy again.
Jamie picked me up at 6.45pm, we had wine and pre-dinner chat with lots of laughs with Nanny Kay and Ann, before we sat down to a roast beef dinner which was fantastic. There was beef, veggies, and three different potato dishes as well as Yorkshire puddings and a full on cheese board for afters. The wine and chat flowed and we didn’t end up going home until almost midnight, after a wonderful night.

Photo credit – snow pics taken from Facebook

Dalyan – 21st to 23rd January

Friday 21st January was weigh-in day and I wasn’t optimistic. It was also 3 months since I had left Vietnam and I had hoped by now to be slimmer and the torn ligaments in my knee and ankle to be back to normal. On the scales I found I had lost another 0.25kg and so I was now only slightly heavier than I had been when I arrived here but, ideally, I needed to lose another 4 or 5kg to be my ideal weight.
I was having trouble buying a couple of items in the supermarket lately and I posted on a Dalyan Residents Facebook group to ask if anyone had seen any chopped tomatoes recently. I also fancied making a sweet and sour chicken dish so I also asked about tinned pineapple. Within minutes I had lots of answers but by the time I read them it was raining heavily again and I couldn’t be bothered to go out in it. I made the beds adding extra throws as I was still finding it a bit cold when I woke up. I had cornflakes for breakfast and watched the TV. I’d not been able to watch English news for some time but now the content was hard to watch so I tended to choose programmes like ‘Homes under the Hammer’ as background watching while on my laptop. In the afternoon I had a glass of red wine and made another batch of Yorkshire puddings with my Mom’s direction (via text) as I wondered if I wasn’t putting enough mixture in for the depth of my new muffin tin. These came out better but I still think it was the milk that isn’t helping. I’d almost forgotten it was Friday Music Bingo at Lukka Bar but this week I’d decided not to go as I fancied a rare Friday night in. The stew and Yorkshires were better today and I really enjoyed them with one more glass of wine and some birthday cake. I lit some candles and got cosy on the sofa while watching TV and thinking I really had better get on with writing my comedy night.

I saw on Facebook that friends were getting in to a game called Wordle on Saturday 22nd January and I wanted to play but couldn’t work out how. Captain Caveman was already posting his answer patterns but I didn’t get it. After having only cornflakes for breakfast I’d started to plan my comedy night for tomorrow when Jamie messaged to see if I fancied meeting at Jiks. It was still fairly bad weather but I needed to buy the tomatoes, pineapple and some baked beans so I nipped to Star Gurme where I bought the following;

4 tins of chopped tomatoes 50 lira
1 big tin of pineapple 70 lira
2 tins of baked beans 30 lira

Total spent 150 lira (£8.30)

This was expensive but the baked beans in Migros now are 27 lira (£1.47) and they didn’t have the other stuff. In Jiks Jamie and I both had Shandies and cheesy chips, we were chatting about our plans for the rest of his stay. When I got home I was going to see if I could have a video call with Captain Caveman but unfortunately for me he was otherwise engaged. He had gone for a mini break to the Vinpearl in Dong Hoi, one of my favourite places. I was jealous that I wouldn’t be there to have a bath and wear the robe that always reminds us of our mate, Josh! I had some more of my birthday cake and started gathering my notes together for tomorrow’s comedy night then remembered I still had an open bottle of wine I needed to drink a glass of. For dinner I had more beef stew and Yorkshire puddings. Captain Caveman had already gone to bed in Vietnam and I was disappointed that he hadn’t wished me well for the Comedy night tomorrow.

When I woke up on Sunday 23rd January I saw the Corona heatmap in Dalyan was showing a red area and I was slightly concerned that it might be a bit quiet at Lukka bar tonight for my comedy night, there was also a chance it could get cancelled if anyone involved got the virus. I decided I needed to write the rest of my act regardless. I also needed to find an outfit to wear but first I made pancakes for breakfast with honey and had Earl Grey tea. It was very cold and my TV had a bit of a blip so I messaged Andy and he fixed it remotely within a couple of minutes which lead me to pop in a joke about the guy in my act.
I spent the rest of the afternoon writing and learning my comedy material, which I probably should have written and learned earlier but I knew I would be fine even if I had to improvise as I had enough material.
I realised about 7pm that I hadn’t had any dinner but thought it would be too late to risk getting a dodgy stomach. Instead, I had a cup of tea and a couple of biscuits!

I arrived at Lukka Bar and there were quite a few people in, to say it was winter, so I was surprised and pleased to see some friendly faces. I had taken a couple of props in with me to use and decided I would wear my dressing gown and a surgical face mask to come on. Carrying what looked like a mug of tea, in which I had already stuck the end of the teabag with sellotape to make it look like a hot beverage. It was really filled with wine. I gave Yasemin, the waitress, my special glass to put my wine in which I intended to drink while I did my act. What I didn’t realise was that I was going to have to stand up and move about for everyone to be able to see and hear me. I made a point of going to say hello to every table beforehand just to get an idea of my type of audience. We were all set to have a laugh, I thought. I took the microphone and started the show!
My comedy night, as Jacqueline de Plonk at Lukka Bar, started with me dressed in my pastel green fluffy dressing gown, a white surgical face mask and holding what looked like a hot mug of tea. The act started with the New Year song by Flo & Joan which I particularly like as I think it sums up what a lot of people have experienced during the pandemic.
You can have a listen from 0.50 to 4.01 here:
https://youtu.be/H9JQ23xwfS8
As everyone listened, got a drink, finished their food or generally got settled in I stood at the front of the bar blowing on my hot tea (wine) and sipping it with my mask hanging from one ear.
I did a bit of an introduction, then some warm up jokes, followed by some observations about COVID and my experience of being back home for Christmas. I found it tricky to move about the audience with my mug, my mic and use my notes and other props. I had to move about because, if I stayed at the front, I got feedback from the speakers. In the first half people did laugh, people joined in when asked. There wasn’t any heckling which I had actually prepared for with lots of comebacks, so I was a bit disappointed. In the break I had to take off my dressing gown as I was really warm but audience members were cold, including one who put my dressing gown on, while I was getting more wine.
The second half was more about me and I upped the anti a little on the rudeness scale by including a section on Sex Tips – things not to do. I started this bit of the show with another song by Flo & Joan that reflected what my life could be like if I drank too much:
https://youtu.be/tTViy5WK-EY (play 0.08 to 5.26 if you want to check it out).
The rest of the show was going well until I was given the nod that some people couldn’t hear because another table were talking amongst themselves. This meant I could go over and pick on them a bit, which I did. After I finished my next joke/story I told everyone I’d finished and if those who think they can be funnier and want to take over they can! I joined my mates’ table and started drinking the wine. The people causing the disruption left and then our table (or most of it) carried on drinking until late. All my friends were supportive and I wasn’t upset or annoyed as I didn’t really care. I was glad I could get on with having a drink with everyone. I don’t remember who else left or when, I vaguely remember drawing rude things on the sequin cushions with Nuri which then led to Mark being told off by Appo the waiter, for starting a pillow fight! My solution, at way past midnight, was to get some takeaway drinks and invite everyone back for a party.

Dalyan – 17th to 20th January

I was looking forward to a quiet(ish) week on Monday 17th January as I got on with some chores, including making a bolognese in the slow cooker, ready for dinner later. I had also lined up a few interviews and discussions with various people from my LinkedIn connections about doing some paid work for a spell, just part-time temporary positions until a more permanent opportunity presented itself.
I had leftover Sunday roast for lunch and thoroughly enjoyed it. The pasta bolognese for dinner was so good and it was another day of zero booze.

On Tuesday 18th January I arranged to meet Jamie for lunch so that he could try Kebapçı Yusuf for the first time. This was not before I managed to almost embarrass myself and Captain Caveman in front of the advisor for the Deputy Prime Minister of Vietnam, as you do. It was cold so I had on my thermal lounge wear with my fluffy dressing gown on top when Captain Caveman video called. He was at Chay Lap drinking with Vinh and his son, who had just returned from their trip to Son Doong. I was on the video call when Captain Caveman noticed my dressing gown at the same time he wanted to put Vinh on to say hello so he pointed it out. My reaction obviously was to take off my dressing gown, to expose my perfectly decent black top underneath but Captain Caveman didn’t know I had anything underneath and thought I was stripping off! It was nice to see them in Vietnam having a good time, though, but I had to go get ready for my lunch date.
Jamie and I both ordered the Turkish sausage pide which came with complimentary side salad and fresh chillies at Kebapçı Yusuf. Even though I warned Jamie the chillies would be hot he still shoved one in his mouth – he didn’t have a second one. The lunch was lovely and we had a good chat and decided we would have a wander along to Lukka Bar for an afternoon alcoholic beverage. It was a very cold day but inside it was warm and cosy. For dinner I had pasta bolognese with birthday cake for pud and an early night after making a list of things to do in Dalyan for when my friend comes to visit in April.

Another day off the booze was had on Wednesday 19th January and my knuckles were still bruised but my face was less painful now. It was my Turkish class today and I was a bit tired because of not getting to sleep until about 2am due to it being so cold that I had to double up on duvets on the bed.
Turkish class went well and it is helping me progress on Duolingo better but I still can’t hold much of a conversation with a local. In the afternoon the weather had improved, it was cold but dry, so I decided it was time to go shopping, properly this time:

Migros Supermarket

1 loaf 2.50
1 simit 3.50
2 red peppers 3.88
1 pack pasta 3.90
Potatoes 4.08
Mini cheddars 7.50
Cheese spread 9.95
Smoked turkey 10.45
2 Probiotic drinks 13.20
6 eggs 13.30
Salami 15.75
Fabric softener 18.25
2 quark 19.90
Cheese slices 24.50
500g minced beef 32.90
500g diced beef 36.49

Total spent 220.05 lira (£12.19)

A101 supermarket

Onions 1.21
Carrots 1.59
Garlic 5.00
2 Crisps 11.80
3 popcorn kernels 13.50
4 Chicken thighs 23.05
4 Chicken breasts 30.52

Total spent 86.67 lira (£4.80)

I was certainly noticing the difference as prices in Turkey continued to escalate to try to cope with the extreme rates of inflation – I was managing ok but I really didn’t know how the locals were coping.
I’d had no breakfast but I had a simit with beef ham and a cheese spread triangle for lunch, which looks boring but is one of my favourite things. I wasn’t too hungry for dinner so I just had a smoked turkey sandwich with 3 cups of earl grey tea and some birthday cake. Katrina and Abi made a poster for my comedy night as Jacqueline de Plonk, the event was on for this coming Sunday!
By the time I was watching Catfish on my new Firestick TV I had to indulge in some crisps making a note to myself not to buy them as I find it hard to resist eating a whole packet.

On Thursday 20th January I woke up with a sore throat and a cough but I didn’t feel unwell. I lounged in bed a little while reading the news and saw an interesting article from yesterday on how you can now buy Turkish citizenship, given the economic crisis here, more info:
https://tfiglobalnews.com/2022/01/10/in-a-desperate-move-to-save-its-economy-turkey-puts-its-citizenship-up-for-sale/
I had a cheese sandwich for breakfast and was slightly expecting a bad stomach from it, as this was the first uncooked cheese I had eaten this year – I was fine! After popping all the ingredients for a beef and ale stew in the slow cooker I decided to have a walk while the weather was decent enough and walked past my parents’ place. I saw a chicken cross the road and it reminded me I had better write my comedy routine when I got home. I did a bit more shopping for the things I was missing at Migros and I was still struggling to find a popcorn bucket or receptacle that didn’t involve buying a 5 litre tub of ice-cream to eat first. Here’s what I did buy:

Migros Supermarket

Ginger 5.60
Bounty 6.95
Apple juice 8.45
Milk 11.75
Mushrooms 12.67
800g Chicken breasts 32.17
6 mini magnums 42.50

Total spent 120.09 lira (£6.65)

It was interesting to see how much the price of meat was increasing so I got a bargain on the chicken while it was on offer, I suspected others were doing the same as there was not much of it left. The fresh milk was much more expensive these days too so I had gone for the skimmed UHT carton which keeps better but isn’t as good for pancake mixture. It was still shocking to see apple juice is cheaper than milk. I got a few treats in and hoped some fresh ginger would help with my sore throat and cough.
Back at home I had a smoked turkey sandwich, crisps and a mini magnum for lunch then finished off half the bottle of Efes beer I’d used in the stew. That night I made Yorkshire puddings to go with the stew but they didn’t rise enough, despite tasting good and me having a very hot oven. The stew was so good and I was glad to have the slow cooker mix from the UK to put in it. For afters I had a chocolate spoon (the ones Ann bought for my birthday) with a couple of glasses of birthday red wine. The red wine made me cough more so I had a ginger tea and a Tylol before bed. Tylol is like an English Lemsip mixed with a Vietnamese Tiffy and it makes my heart palpitate so I have to be careful I don’t have them often. This time I was asleep within seconds of my head hitting the pillow.

Dalyan – 14th to 16th January

I got up quite late on Friday 14th January, we were 2 weeks in to the year now and my health kick, and being a bit more sensible on my eating and drinking, hadn’t really started out well. It was weigh-in day and I was expecting a bad result but I had lost 0.75kg and I was happy with that. I was about to have some food when Jamie messaged to say he was at Tez bar and to meet him there. As the sun was shining I decided it was a good idea but was not expecting to see someone wearing shorts – it was warm in the sun but definitely unusual to find a Turkish man wearing shorts in Dalyan at this time of year. After a couple of IPA blondes, and a spot of socialising with friends, Jamie and I left to go to the supermarket, leaving some of the others who were going to Bingo night at Lukka’s. Unfortunately Jamie and I got sidetracked and ended up in Jiks having a couple of wines and a pizza, which was really lovely and I even ate the whole thing. I did go to Migros, as intended though but only for a few bits and bobs.
I got home at a reasonable hour, had tea and biscuits and finalised the invites for Sarah’s birthday party tomorrow afternoon.

Saturday 15th January started very well but finished badly; I decided to go for a walk along the river as it was another sunny day and I wanted to see how the water levels were now. Unfortunately they were still extremely high but below the flood line mostly now. I could see the snow on the mountains and the tea garden had been completed demolished.

I’d had no breakfast so decided to have lunch out at Mahir, a local Turkish restaurant in the mosque square – a place I’d been meaning to go to but had never got round to it. I ordered a chicken doner kebab and chips with a coke and it came to 50 lira (£2.74). It was big, fresh and so tasty – definitely a new favourite now. While I was eating, Peter went past and I shouted him over for a chat then we left together to walk back down the river where I went to Lukka bar and Peter carried on walking.

It was Sarah’s birthday celebrations and a few of us were meeting at 3pm at Lukka for drinks and pressie giving. There was quite a turnout, we all sat in the sun having a beverage and I chose a Turkish cider. After 2 drinks, and as planned, we walked over to Sofra bar for the next bit of celebrating and a few more people joined us there. Nanny Kay had some nachos but spilled the sauce down her white jumper and Sarah had one of the delicious bacon sandwiches. Ann and Helen had chicken stir-fry noodles, Debbie (Darling) had a burger and Jamie had a sandwich and cheesy chips. I made the mistake of being too full on kebab and didn’t have any food so it probably comes as no surprise that the night ended messy!

Peter and Selahı were drinking rakı on the next table to us and people at Sarah’s birthday started to leave so we merged the party at Sofra. Even Sarah and Debbie (Darling) had vacated Sofra bar but Jamie, Ann, Peter and Selahı remained to come up with the bright idea of going to Jazz Bar. Jamie and I are dubious about the drinks there and didn’t want to go but, before we knew it, we were watching a very talented musician play a clarinet and had ordered a glass of wine each. The last thing I remember is putting Ann in a taxi home and then having a tequila shot!

I wasn’t feeling too spritely when I woke up on Sunday 16th January and was convinced that the booze in Jazz bar was dodgy. I had 3 swollen, slightly bruised knuckles on my left hand (I had to take my ring off) and my face hurt so I messaged Jamie and Selahı to see if they knew why. They didn’t, but something wasn’t right and we vowed not to go again. We had already booked in to have Sunday lunch at Heybe’s with Ann and when I got there, in my wellies, I stunk of cat pee. What a to do, I leave my wellies outside the door so that is why they stunk from the cat spraying on them on Wednesday night. We were all hung over, cold and drinking soft drinks while waiting quite a while for our dinner. We had tomato soup for starter, beef with Yorkshire puddings for main and apple crumble for dessert. I really struggled to finish mine, due to the hangover, and took half of mine plus a bit of Jamie’s home. We were all begging for mercy and I went home and got straight back in to bed!

Dalyan – 12th & 13th January

I’d had worse hangovers than the one I had on Wednesday 12th January but it was to be expected after not drinking any alcohol for the first week of January, due to having ‘flurona’. I had loads of birthday wishes via Facebook which was lovely, I was only just out of bed in time to get to my Turkish class and I had to have extra sugar in my tea to sort me out a bit. Because I had missed last week’s lesson, I was behind and tried my best to catch up as we went along. After class I had to walk to Spice Garden to pick up the remaining birthday cake and it was still raining, this is when I found out how high the river water had been!
The walk back in the pouring rain with a clingfilmed cake and a hangover wasn’t pleasant and I stopped off at Lukka to give the staff some cake. I’d not eaten yet and it was almost 3pm so I had cake for brunch. Julie and Andy were on their way round to fix my firestick to my TV and I was hoping it would be easy to use. The firestick was amazing and I was so glad to use some of my parent’s birthday money to buy something so exciting – it meant I could now watch all sorts of TV and I had music channels!!!
I was getting ready for a night of music and TV, or at least working out how to use it when I remembered that Sarah had given me her leftover curry last night and was coming round to eat it. I messaged to arrange what time and I told her that it couldn’t be a late one after last night because I had to be up at 5am tomorrow morning. We agreed 6pm and then we could eat early and I could be in bed early. At 6pm Sarah wasn’t here and I was getting peckish, she messaged at 6.10pm to say she was at the shops buying a new mouse and did I need anything. She arrived at 6.30pm and it was 8.10pm when I heated up the curry and was ready to eat, so it was a later night than I expected and I was going to be shattered tomorrow. As I said bye to Sarah and closed the door I noticed that there was a cat pee smell in the doorway which was horrendous and went to get some air freshener. I tidied up and went to bed, knowing I had to be up in less than 5 hours for my day trip.

I really didn’t want to get up when my alarm went off at 5am on Thursday 13th January but, after a couple of 5 minute snoozes, I forced myself out of bed. It was cold and dark still as I got ready for my day trip to Izmir and I could smell cat pee from the bedroom. Rebecca from Captain Boris boat trips had organised for 10 of us to go to IKEA for 250 lira (£14) and my pick up was at 6.20am outside Jazz bar.
We broke down just outside Dalyan and we had to wait for another bus, I’d been sat near the back on the first bus so when we switched over I was left a seat near the front, which was good as I do get travel sick. I’d not realised quite how long it would take to get there and I was so tired that I managed to sleep quite a lot and only woke up for the one wee and hot beverage stop on the way there. When we arrived at IKEA at 10.30am I was glad I’d taken my travel pillow. My first stop was to the cafe where Nanny Kay, Mark, Kate and I all got some breakfast and Becky had a coffee, then off we went in search of some bargains. I managed to get tea-lights for me and a few other friends, freezer bags and biscuits for Katrina, a table and some biscuits for Kim, candles and biscuits for Sarah. We had a couple of hours going around the store and I sussed out new kitchen sinks for Captain Caveman’s apartment but the selection was poor and I didn’t find any that I would buy. For lunch we went as a group of 10 to a restaurant called Midpoint and it was really nice. Masks were compulsory until you were seated and they wanted us to use the QR reader for looking at the menu and for ordering – I think there was only Kate who could get it to work so the waiters gave us the paper menus to look at, warning us the prices were now more expensive. I had a lovely artichoke salad, Nanny Kay had quesadillas and chips, Julie and Jo had burgers, Rebecca went for a goats cheese salad that was huge, and I didn’t see what the others had. I took half of mine home and in the afternoon we had a little mooch around the shopping precinct.
The bus was waiting for us at 3pm and we had all loaded our stuff in to the back. Denise and Nanny Kay were old hats and had brought their ribbons to tie round their bags for identifying when we got back. I was so pleased that Nanny Kay had bought some cushions as they were next to me and I managed another sleep on the way back. I was dropped outside Lukka and it was a struggle to carry everything so I stopped off to say Hi to Sarah, Jamie, Ann, Debbie, Roy and Katrina who were all there as it was Sarah’s birthday. Back home I ate crisps as a snack then finished off my leftover salad for dinner, followed by birthday cake and a cup of tea. The rain in Dalyan had been horrendous today with lots of people getting cut off or flooded in, it was good to have a 2nd floor apartment.

Dalyan – 10th & 11th January

I had an exciting day on Monday 10th January; I woke up early, which made a nice change, but I only had a probiotic drink for breakfast because I had a lunch appointment. I had a first visit to Porta Dalya restaurant, which used to be Köşem, with Jamie and Nanny Kay. It was still raining hard and it was a lovely welcome inside the cafe where all 3 of us ordered the Chicken Alfredo for 45 lira (£2.50) and a coke. It was really lovely and tasty, served with grated parmesan too and I’d definitely go there again as the service was also great. After lunch Jamie and I went to buy butter at Alp’s Balıkcim shop and I managed to get some frozen french type for only 20 lira (£1.10). The stray dog we call Socks, had followed us and was trying to see if there were any sausages available and then we drove around the corner to Şarküteri where Jamie got some bits and I bought Lurpak at an extortionate 80 lira (£4.40) but I really prefer it and it would last me ages. I was definitely noticing the price increases more and taking note of what I was buying. I needed to make sure that any jobs I applied for were going to be able to pay in to my UK account as a Turkish monthly wage was now 4,250 lira (£234) despite a recent increase. I had the leftover Sunday dinner at home followed by chocolate and herbal tea, then had an early night seeing as I had a very busy day tomorrow.

My birthday was Tuesday 11th January and I woke up to very heavy rain, it was quite stormy out too. Captain Caveman had already been to have his 3rd vaccine this morning and said it was a bit chaotic with the paperwork resulting in the nurses not being that busy because of the bottleneck. We arranged to speak on a video call after I had been out for breakfast and I sent him a video of it hailing here in Dalyan – the pool was almost full of rain water!
I opened birthday cards from my parents, Gayle, Neil, Morgan and April, which was nice. I was tempted to stay in bed because of the horrendous weather and expected my friends might cancel going out for breakfast but instead I got a message from Jamie to ask if I wanted picking up after he went to get Ann. I said yes and I even ventured as far as putting the bin out in torrential rain, prior to getting in the car to head a very short drive to Jiks. When we got there it was closed even though we had arranged to meet 30 minutes after it opens and Nanny Kay was texting from inside her car in front of us to check where our Plan B should be. Out of season on a Tuesday there are not too many places to go for an English breakfast so we went to somewhere we knew was open and easy to park outside of, Lukka Bar! We were the only ones brave enough to have ventured out in the rain and there were concerns that the nearby river was going to flood over. I got some lovely gifts which I really appreciated and it turns out my Dalyan friends know me well, already! For breakfast Nanny Kay had a bacon, sausage and egg sandwich which came with chips, Jamie and Ann had a full English breakfast while I went for full English without the fried eggs or tomato. Back home I arranged to spend some of my birthday money from my parents on purchasing the Firestick from Andy, which meant I would have access to UK TV because I mainly wanted to be able to watch The Apprentice and the news channels. That afternoon I had a video call with Ma & Pa and they even sang Happy Birthday to me which was lovely and I got to say thanks for my birthday card and present. I wasn’t going out until 6.30pm tonight for birthday celebrations so decided a relaxing afternoon was in order but, when I went upstairs to get out a facemask (which my sister got me for Christmas), I had a bit of an unwelcome surprise!

As I opened the drawer to get out my toiletries and facemask, I could hear a dripping sound so I checked in the ensuite bathroom to find the floor was full of water! The roof was leaking and the window kept blowing open so the rain was coming in at both sides of the bathroom and it took a couple of towels to mop it up with. I decided to check the rest of the upstairs and then spent the next hour mopping up, putting towels down, finding containers and taking photos to send to Leanne at King Emlak. The spare bedroom was the worst as there was a crack in the ceiling where water was running in from and it was fortunate that I was at home as it had started to dribble on to the bed. Luckily, I had an empty 50 litre container to hand and was able to move the bed across without too much trouble. The skylight in the main bathroom was also leaking but it was above the shower and not causing too much of a problem. I saw from friends on Facebook that the river had indeed flooded over and was inside the bar at River Terrace, this was quite unusual and had not happened for some years. There was also talk on Facebook that the mudbaths at Köyceğiz were about to flood too and locals were starting to worry about their homes. Leanne replied straight away to say a workman would be out on Thursday to have a look and make any repairs so that was a good thing and I could relax and get my facemask on. I picked the hydrating one out of the pack and went for that, while laying on the sofa, trying to relax a bit. It felt really nice and I think I may have left it on a bit too long because, when I took it off to get ready, my face was quite pink.

As arranged, I met up with the gang at Lukka Bar at 6.30pm to start my birthday celebrations. There were more cards and gifts which I was a bit overwhelmed about and Appo put his foot in it by asking if I wanted pasta, which is Turkish for cake. We had one drink and then decided to walk to our venue as we thought the rain had eased off a bit. At Spice Garden there was a table booked for a group of us and there was more cards and gifts which I really wasn’t expecting. Ann and I had the set meal for 2 at 250 lira (£13.71) which despite recent price increases was a good deal. We had chosen chicken pakora and poppadoms for our starter and they were lovely, we shared mains of butter chicken, chicken tikka masala, rice and garlic naan bread. Everything was so delicious and plenty of it, so much so that I took leftovers home. There was another amazing birthday surprise; a massive cake from Katrina, Mehmet and Jamie which was absolutely fantastic, and appropriately in the shape of a wine bottle! I was so surprised and everyone sang Happy Birthday to me. We dished up the cake which was beautiful and made by Louise, one of Katrina’s friends. Louise called us to wish me happy birthday and ask if I liked the cake, which I did. It had proper sponge birthday cake inside, with shaved white chocolate and icing and I loved it. Debbie (Darling) did a little speech and I felt really special and I felt a bit overwhelmed, once again. We decided to leave the half of cake at Spice Garden and go back to Lukka for more drinks for everyone who wasn’t driving so I said my farewells to Nanny Kay, Sioned, Julie and Andy then set off walking with Sarah, who was still cheesed off about her starter being cleared away while she had left the table to take a phonecall.
Back at Lukka I had a birthday whisky, or Bailey’s, or both I can’t remember and we all played Killer Pool. It was a great birthday celebration though and one I would definitely remember as being the most moist one I’d had in a while! As we were giving the ball a right old kick I was totally unaware that there were people in Dalyan who’s homes were getting flooded. I put the remaining curry in the fridge and went to bed before 1am feeling incredibly lucky.

Dalyan – 7th to 9th January

On Friday 7th January I met Jamie outside Lukka Bar and we drove down to Ann’s house to see Jax & Lee off. I gave Jax a couple of envelopes to post to my family when she got back to the UK, having forgotten to leave them before I came back. I felt really tired after not very much sleep and decided not to join Jamie and Ann on their trip to Fethiye but I did ask Jamie to take me back some trousers I had bought on the 4th December which didn’t fit, in fact they wouldn’t have fit one leg!
I went home and had beans on toast for breakfast with a cup of tea. The white chocolate orange didn’t last long and I polished the rest of it off after hummus, lavaş bread and olives for lunch. That evening I joined Jamie, Ann, Sarah and Katrina for the Lukka bar music bingo night which was Disco themed this week and we got there early enough to have dinner before the fun started. The others had burgers or pasta but I went for the BBQ pizza which I do enjoy.

It was raining very heavily on Saturday 8th January but I had plans that meant I had to venture out in it. I’d decided I did need a mobile phone to use when there was no WiFi, for whatever reason. My Vietnamese Oppo phone was a few years old now and, although still worked, it wasn’t worth the 2732 lira (£150) it would cost to register it. Here in Turkey, it is only permissable to use a foreign phone for up to 120 days and only 1 phone per person every 3 years can be registered. In 2018 it cost just 170 lira to do this but now it is extortionate and, for me, not worth it so I had posted in a local Facebook group to see if anyone had an old Turkish phone I could buy. The most suitable choice for me was from a lady who had a Samsung J4 which she was willing to sell me and I arranged to meet her at Kordon restaurant to do the deal. I was meant to go to do a full supermarket shop, after all I’d not been yet this year, but it was too wet and I couldn’t be bothered to carry much – I just got the ‘essentials’ in Migros and left.

My shopping from Migros Supermarket:

2 onions 0.45
1kg rice 6.50
Mini cheddars 7.50
Fairy washing up liquid 9.75
400g mushrooms 12.90
2 probiotic drinks 13.90
Beef mince 29.61

Total spent 80.61 (£4.41)

On the way home I noticed there were some new recycling bins in the old market square which I would be sure to use from now on. I used my telephone banking to add on my phone credit to the new phone, which was a first for me. I noticed that the LinkedIn app was on my new phone so I decided to join it, I did a speed test, assisted by a friend who I was thinking of buying a Firestick from and was finding out more about it. That evening I messaged Kebapçı Yusuf to order my dinner and arranged to pick it up at 7.30pm, it cost 70 lira (£3.82) for chicken shish, salad and chips and was piping hot when I got it home. It would have served 2 people but I did manage to eat most of it and just save the flatbread and half of the salad for tomorrow. I had a video call with my parents, who were still social distancing from each other, within their own home, so that Dad didn’t catch Mom’s Corona. Ma was still sickly but looking like she had a bit more colour and was feeling a little better too, at last. None of us could believe Dad hadn’t caught it yet and he was obviously made of tougher stuff than us.

On Sunday 9th January I didn’t have any breakfast as I was booked in for a Lukka Sunday dinner at 2pm with Jamie. I spoke very briefly to Captain Caveman who had got back from the cave to find a young pig at the door of the Glass House. He sent me photos and I talked to the pig but it looked like it was trying to find some snacks. Captain Caveman managed to give it a tickle and said he would look after it, if it was still there after he’d been out for dinner. Our Sunday dinner was delicious and plenty of it, it had gone up to 140 lira (£7.67) but was still good value.
I finished watching a series on Netflix, The Innocent, which I thought was one recommended by Jax and Lee but it turned out I’d probably been watching the wrong series! By dinner time I still wasn’t hungry so I just finished off the leftover flatbread and salad from Kebapçı Yusuf followed by a Double Decker chocolate bar. In the evening I started working out how to use LinkedIn and decided I would start to look for a part-time job.

Dalyan – the 1st week of January

Having missed celebrating the New Year in Dalyan I had been awake a lot of the night and woke up, on Saturday 1st January absolutely soaked in sweat. I had buttered toast for breakfast and couldn’t be bothered to make anything for lunch so all I had was chocolate! It was a nice sunny day, about 18°C, and I had my second PCR test booked in at Tez bar. When I got there they were going to charge me another 300 lira for a lateral flow test but I said there was no point as I had already done my own and it showed negative. I said I’d have another PCR because I wanted to know if I had Corona and that’s what they did. I sent Captain Caveman a photo of the villa building site next door and we had a video call. I started watching a cooking show and must have fallen asleep because I woke up to a dinner delivery from Ann, missed calls from Jamie who had delivered it to my doorstep. I was meant to have been going to their’s for a roast dinner, it was so kind of Ann to send me a massive portion over and it was so good! I started watching Stay Close on Netflix but fell asleep again, convinced I had the dreaded virus and I wanted to stay awake for my results.
When I got my results it said negative again and Tez told me that I probably have flu, but not Corona.

It was after midday on Sunday 2nd January when I woke up and I felt a bit better but very achy. The day was pretty boring and was mainly spent on cancelling things. My friends (from Phong Nha) were here but I couldn’t go out as I was feeling rubbish and I didn’t want to give anyone flu. They even cancelled the boat trip we had planned and my comedy night was going to have to be postponed. My mom messaged to say my brother-in-law had done a test and was positive now too so I was convinced I had the virus too, despite my result. I had spaghetti bolognese for lunch which I’d got out of the freezer, then an earl grey tea with a Double Decker chocolate bar which I’d brought back from the UK. I decided to try a decluttering tool I’d read where you turn all of your coat hangers the opposite way in your wardrobe and when you wear and wash an item you put it back the correct way, anything you haven’t worn in a few months can then go to charity. For dinner I ordered a pizza from Lukka bar and had the stuffed mushroom starter from yesterday with it.

I didn’t wake up until 1pm on Monday 3rd January and I had slept through for a solid 10 hours at once. I didn’t have breakfast as the electric was off and it continued to be on and off throughout the day, even when it was on, the TV remote wouldn’t work. I did another lateral flow test and the result was still negative despite me having the same symptoms as my Mom, she was positive on today’s lateral flow test which wasn’t good but my Dad’s test was negative. She was also sleeping loads and couldn’t taste anything. In Israel they had discovered there was Flurona which is a combination of flu and Corona – maybe I had that!
I had left over pizza for lunch when the power was back on and the remote started to work again. I had a lovely beef stew from the freezer for tea which, luckily, already had potatoes in and I had plenty of Henderson’s relish on it. It was also my 5th day of not having any alcohol, not that I had planned to give it up, just because I was too under the weather to bother.

I woke up at 1.30pm on Tuesday 4th January and had missed calls and messages from people checking how I was. I had fruitcake for breakfast after remembering I had it because I really fancied some and I was pleased I seemed to be getting my appetite back. Jamie stopped by with bread and milk for me and I mainly watched Netflix and tried to catch up with my blogging and shenanigans but felt tired. I decided to make pizzas and pasta from the leftover chicken fajitas and seemed to be drinking lots of tea! I decided that I’d write a shopping list and I sent a message to cancel attending Turkish class tomorrow as I still wasn’t good enough to go out.

It was a week since I left England, on Wednesday 5th January, and it felt a lot longer because of being sickly. Captain Caveman had gone to the Song Doong exit today and would be going back in for 2 days tomorrow, it was the start of his new season and he was lucky that tours were going ahead and he would be busy working. I’d set the alarm for 11.30am because I felt I was sleeping too much but it was very cold today so I was in no rush to get up for my cornflakes. For lunch I made more homemade pizza things, I was definitely noticing my appetite was getting back to normal, and I still had lots of premade meals in the freezer. I had looked in to doing something for my birthday next week and I booked a suite at Datça Vineyard hoping I’d be better by then. My visiting friends had already started to depart and I was disappointed not to have been able to see them. I ended up having a lovely evening as I watched an interesting (but frustrating) film with Jake Gyllenhaal in, called Guilty, then I restarted watching Squid Game after a delicious dinner. I finally got round to eating the Cumberland sausage, from Alp’s shop at Balıkcim, which I had in the freezer, with some Heinz baked beans on toast, which was amazing!

On Thursday 6th January it was 13 days since I first had a sore throat and 8 days since my inconclusive Turkish PCR test, in those 8 days all 3 further tests (2 lateral, 1 PCR) were negative and so I decided I might be ready to venture outside. I’d got up late and so didn’t have any breakfast, just a cup of earl grey tea. For lunch I had some homemade chicken noodle soup at the ready and was about to eat it when I found out Jamie had got his Turkish residency approved and was on his way back from Muğla to celebrate. I ate my soup, got an email from Datça Vineyard to say there was construction work going on making the suite unavailable so I thought I’d probably cancel. I met Jamie, Ann, Jax & Lee at Lukka bar and had my first alcoholic drink this year, a Turkish cider. They were booked in for a last meal, as Jax & Lee went home tomorrow, at Egehan tonight and I was invited to join them. Most diners ordered the spicy prawns but I went for a pastry starter which had cheese, spinach and beetroot in, for mains most people had the steak. My meal was outstanding and I did the right thing by asking for my steak medium-well because Ann’s steak was definitely too rare for me to have enjoyed it. Lee drank beer, Jamie and Anne had white wine, Jax and I shared a bottle of red and I took so long to eat my meal because I wasn’t used to eating the amount of food I’d had tonight. I couldn’t do a pudding so Jamie and I had a glass of wine for our dessert while the others had some rather fancy looking desserts. The meal wasn’t the cheapest in town at 400 lira (£22) per person and I really had noticed the prices had gone up since I’d been away, due to the lira being 18.5 to the pound now, but I thought it was a beautiful meal. We had a nightcap at Lukka on the way home and, because I was a bit disappointed that my birthday plans had fallen through, we came up with an alternative arrangement. Tomorrow Jax and Lee were going back to England so we would go to see them off from Ann’s house, Jamie then had plans to take us for a little outing.

Dalyan – the end of 2021

I woke up on Thursday 30th December at 8am having been cold in the night and it was less than 15°C and dark. I went to Tez bar at 10am for my PCR test, on my way round I took a photo of the progress of the villa on the building site next door. I didn’t have any internet at home as it had lapsed on Christmas day, I needed to top up my phone credit and I ought to buy bread, there are no rules in Turkey about having to have a PCR test on entry but I wanted to be sure, so that I could get on with going out and about. After my test I went to the Turkcell shop where I found out my phone needed to be registered in Ortaca, which I couldn’t do until my PCR results. Here in Turkey all foreign phones have to be registered if you are here after 3 months and it costs more in tax than my phone is worth so I was reluctant to bother with having a phone for now. I managed to extend my home internet for another 2 months and was told the price would be going up by 20% for 2022. On my way back home I bought bread and a simit for breakfast from the local bakery. Tez had said he would try to give me my results the same day but it would definitely be within 24 hours so I got on with unpacking, washing and various bits and bobs at home. I had a plain turkey ham sandwich for lunch, then got my remaining Morrison’s cherry bakewells out to have one for dessert, and was glad I had left the fridge freezer on with some food in so I didn’t have to go shoping straight away. The Turkish lira was now at 18 lira to the pound meaning my money was worth almost a third of what it was and prices in Dalyan were constantly being readjusted. While I had been away it had gone up to over 24 and the locals were really suffering.
It was raining heavily all day and it was Bryan’s mom’s birthday today but I couldn’t join my friends yet, just to be on the safe side. Another friend of their’s, Jesper, who I also met in Vietnam was arriving tonight and I wouldn’t be able to join them until my result came back. I had a sore throat and was feeling a bit tired so I had another Turkey ham sandwich, a cherry bakewell, crisps and a couple of herbal teas with honey to sort me out. That evening I found out that my sister had tested positive, with no symptoms, on a lateral flow test and Sumo the dog had a funny cough/sneeze going on so I was a bit nervous for my PCR result from Tez.
It came through at just after 10.30pm, so not bad for a 12.5 hour turn around at 300 lira (£16.70) and it was both good news and bad news!
Although the document said negative on it, there was an additional comment that it wasn’t a suitable document to fly with, when I asked he said it was because my result was inconclusive and I had to isolate until they could do another test on Saturday!

Friday 31st December, the last day of a pretty unpredictable year, was not as planned either! My friends Mik, Hamish & Ania, Bryan & Kendra and Jesper were all in Dalyan to help celebrate the new year with me. Ann’s family were here too and we had plans for us all to go for a curry at Spice Garden. Due to the Corona situation Ann decided to cancel her small group and have a curry delivered at home. My friends were still going to go but, due to my inconclusive PCR result I had to cancel and isolate until tomorrow. I was gutted to have to cancel all our plans, including my hair appointment and hoped I could move it to another day before or on my birthday! On the Dalyan Corona heat map it was showing lots of cases at the moment and my hairdresser was fine for me to cancel and he moved Ania forward to 3pm. I decided to do an LFT, which I had brought with me and the result was negative, although I still felt incredibly tired and poorly. It was weigh-in day so, having had a monstrous consumption last week, I was not surprised that I had put on 0.75kg making me 1.75kg heavier than when I left Turkey for the Christmas holiday – not too bad I suppose and definitely worth all the food and drink I had!
I was very happy to speak to Captain Caveman and he had been given his new schedule for 2022. As we expected, it would take a miracle for me to see him before September 2022 so we both resigned ourselves to that. Luckily we are both practical people and there wasn’t anything we could do about the situation, except to get on with it – I knew this might be the case when I chose to leave Vietnam and it was the risk we had to take if I wanted to see my family and friends and to look for paid work. Vietnam was slowly starting to open up but the likelihood of me getting back there, as a UK citizen, or for longer than a 30 day tourist visa were zero right now. I didn’t have any breakfast but I did have a hot sausage roll and red cabbage for lunch, I’d received offers of help with shopping (if I needed anything) from Jamie, Katrina and Tez so I felt fine plus I was fully stocked up in the freezer which I was so grateful for. In the afternoon I started to feel a bit run down and I looked pretty tired so I connected 2 Phong Nha friends together after discovering they were both in Dubai and didn’t know each other, I made chicken fajitas in the slow cooker, using one of the packet mixes I’d brought back from the UK and got on with organising our planned boat trips in early January, assuming I would be negative for Corona and we would all be able to go. This was also the second day in a row that I had no alcohol whatsoever as I wasn’t feeling up to it. I struggled to keep awake for the new year but once in bed I sent messages to family and then fell asleep before the UK midnight!

Manchester to Dalyan – 29th December

Jamie’s alarm went off at 5am on Wednesday 29th December and he went in the shower, my alarm went off at 5.20am and I had a bit of a panic. I had been dreaming that my passport was lost so I checked my bag, pockets, the set of printed documents and it wasn’t there. I went out in to the corridor, in my pyjamas and barefoot to the chair I had been sat on near the club lounge and saw a cleaner, she hadn’t seen my passport but had washed the floor! I went back to the room where Jamie was puzzled as I told him I dreamt my passport was left on a chair and I called reception. They had it! I got showered, dressed and packed before I went to get the passport and was so relieved, especially as we would still be on time. It was a short walk to Terminal 2 check-in desk but Jamie had thought we were flying from Terminal 1. We checked in, showed our vaccine papers and Turkish PLF then waited for Nanny Kay, Sioned and her children to turn up. Nanny Kay had overslept and didn’t arrive until later than arranged and she was in a bit of a flap, she had to borrow my hair brush and she looked very hot in her fur coat. There was still no sign of Sioned and she, like me, only had a Turkish phone so we couldn’t contact her. At 6.45am, 45 minutes after checking in, Nanny Kay and I decided to go through security while Jamie waited for Sioned so he could help her with luggage, checking in and the 2 small children. It turned out Sioned had also thought she was flying from Terminal 1 and so was quite late, Nanny Kay and I had eaten a toastie and drunk a tea by the time they all came through security.
The flight from Manchester to Antalya was eventful; there was terrible turbulence soon after take-off and we all felt it, the staff were chirpy as anything and Jamie went for the white wine straight away. As Sioned had us there to help, she ordered Prosecco but I didn’t feel too well and by the time we were landing I was in the toilet with a dodgy tum and vomitting – just what I needed on a 3-4 hour car journey at the other end!
After we landed, Sioned and I took the kids through the Turkish Citizens queue which was much quicker than Jamie and Kay’s foreigners queue and it took quite a while to get all the many suitcases. Jamie was worried he would get stopped because of having Graeme’s ashes in his luggage but luckily, they were only stopping every third person for extra checks at Antalya airport and we were through! The journey back in a mini-van was very tiring but the kids were super well behaved and we made it back to Dalyan in about 4 hours!
I’d booked an official PCR test in at Tez bar for 10pm but by the time we got there it was closed and so I dragged my cases to Lukka as it started to rain, to see if Jamie, Mehmet or Appo could help me with the large suitcase. While I waited for my PCR test result I had specifically decided not to arrange to meet my friends who had arrived in Dalyan today. Because they were unable to contact me they were sat in Lukka bar, already fairly merry, waiting to catch me as I returned home. I kept my mask on and told them my situation and that my Mom had tested positive for Corona but they didn’t care and all hugged me! Hamish, the Londoner bought us all a shot of Jägermeister, Mik tried to swerve his and was the most drunk. I had a beer and they finished their drinks and went back to their villa (next door to Jamie’s), with arrangements for me to message them after my PCR test tomorrow at 10am (Tez had rescheduled). Jamie had arranged to meet Ann, Jax and Lee in Lukka so they came in and we had the same situation. Appo, Yasemin and Mehmet were all really happy to see me and Jamie and there were more hugs – I really hoped my test would be negative and that I wasn’t going to give everyone Corona for the New Year, or stop them from being able to travel home at the end of their holidays! Safely back home I decided I was hungry and warmed up a couple of sausage rolls (which turned out to be cheese rolls) which I’d got from Emma and were in the freezer. It was nice to be back ‘home’!

Dalyan to Mosborough – 11th December

Saturday 11th December was a day of travelling and a little bit of a shock to my system. I’d been in Dalyan for 79 days when my alarm went off at 7am, I had my last probiotic drink to try to prevent any stomach issues on my journey and the taxi arrived early, while it was still slightly dark, but I was ready! I’d decided only to take hand luggage because I didn’t want the added risk of taking luggage and changing in Istanbul so my rucksack was jammed full and exactly 8kg, probably from the weight of the Turkish delight. When I arrived at Dalaman airport I was early but the Turkish Airlines check-in was open, helpful and they managed to book me through from Dalaman to London, so I could have brought luggage, after all. I requested aisle seats on both flights and got given both boarding cards, my flight from Dalaman to Istanbul would be on time despite the storms and heavy rain, which was good to know. Near the gate I bought water and a simit at an empty cafe, which gave free WiFi (no WiFi is available in the main departure area, only at the cafe’s near the gate).

On the first flight, which was quite busy but not full, we were given a picnic lunch and we were all told not to open them all at the same time due to Corona (everyone did though) and masks being mandatory. I put mine in my bag as I didn’t want to remove my mask on the plane and was trying not to catch Corona for Christmas. I had 3 hours until the next flight in Istanbul airport and it appeared to be quite empty when I landed. Where the gates are, there were hardly any seats so I managed to get my G-Shock watch amended at the place where I bought it, as it hadn’t been accurate since I’d had the battery replaced in Fethiye. There was also a machine to get free WiFi but it only lasted for 1 hour. I found a quiet spot, away from any scheduled flights, to sit and eat my picnic. I noticed that at some gates they were doing random PCR tests and extra security checks which included double checking the vaccine proof documents. At the gate for my Istanbul to London Heathrow flight, the staff asked to check my vaccine certificate and the people behind and in front of me had to have their bags searched. On the half empty plane I sat next to a man from Torquay who had been to Istanbul for hair transplants but after take off we were allowed to move in to the spare seats. This meant I could drink the red wine and beef köfte and rice which they brought for our lunch without someone nearby. I watched a film called The Prestige which seemed ok but we were landing before the end of it and so I may never know what happens.

The flight from Istanbul to London Heathrow was due to land at 4.05pm. I had to get myself on the tube to London St Pancras train station to my pre-booked PCR test near to the Champagne bar. Luckily the flight landed a little bit early and I was on the very busy tube by 4.15pm, still masked up and trying my best not to touch anything. The queues at Collinson test centre were long despite everyone in the queue having an appointment and it being a bit chaotic. The staff were nice, most of the customers queued patiently with masks on but there were a few cantankerous old so-and-sos who weren’t behaving themselves and putting pressure on the staff to try to jump the queue. I had to wait longer than expected but, as the staff explained, the sudden changes in rules had lead to lots of demand and they were doing their best to cope. They were doing a fantastic job and I managed to get done before I had to get my train to Sheffield at 6.30pm, which I got sat on by 6.25pm so I was very lucky to have made it. The train was busy, hadn’t been cleaned and only a handful of people were wearing masks despite the constant announcement that it was mandatory. I’d unfortunately picked a busy time to be travelling, the Champagne bar at St Pancras had been heaving as I passed, the Leeds V Chelsea football match was on and there were numerous piss heads on a pre-Christmas celebration or work do. A nice Spanish family sat opposite me on the train and got a bit of a shock when Santa (aka shit-faced Alan) boarded the train at Derby with his inebriated elf mates. The profanities let me know he wasn’t the real Santa straight away and at first it was amusing that the children near me hadn’t sussed it. When Santa and his helpers burped, farted, sang and swore their way to a joke about Jimmy Saville I signalled to the mom that she might want to move her kids away – they got off at Chesterfield!
There was WiFi on the train so I managed to let my parents and sister know I had made it and would be in Sheffield by 9.45pm and would get a taxi to Mosborough, where I would have to continue to isolate until my PCR test result came back negative.

When I alighted the train at Sheffield I wasn’t quite ready for it, I felt like I had gone back a few years and landed in to the middle of a debauched Christmas do, not unlike the ones I used to frequent. I didn’t see many sober people, nor anyone with masks (but I found out later you don’t have to wear them in a taxi queue) and a great deal of people were absolutely hammered!
I decided to use the cash machine to draw out some extra Christmas cash but my card wouldn’t work, I was desperate for a wee, drink and a snack but decided Sheffield station would not be the best place for any of those and it would be better just to get to my parents house.
The taxi cost just £12.50, I kept my mask on but the driver didn’t wear one and was on the phone the whole journey. When I arrived at my parents I was so desperate for the loo that I bypassed both of them and went to the bathroom, where I also took all of my hat, scarf, gloves, coat and mask off beforehand. After a good wash and putting my outer garments in a plastic bag for washing I gave Ma & Pa a big hug. I’d been feeling so tired on the train but now at 10.30pm (1.30am Turkish time) I had a glass of water and some crisps, while Dad opened a bottle of fizz! It wouldn’t be a proper family celebration if we didn’t give the ball a right old kick and so we managed to stay up until 2.30am (5.30am Turkish time) meaning I had done 22.5 hours from leaving my Dalyan bed to getting in my Mosborough one! We were so glad to see each other again and none of us cared that we were up drinking so late, it’s not like we had anything much to do tomorrow, with me isolating!

Dalyan – 10th December

My hangover on Friday 10th December wasn’t as bad as it probably should have been but there was no time for breakfast as I had stuff to do. I was flying to England tomorrow so my To Do list was a bit hefty and it was weigh-in day. I had put on 0.5kg so I was now back to the same weight I was when I left Turkey in January 2020, my starting weight for my 20 months in Vietnam. My measurements weren’t so thrilling either, I still didn’t seem to be able to shift that 1cm difference in my leg measurements and my bad leg still needed to increase – maybe the Sheffield hills would do the trick!
I went to the bank to transfer some Turkish lira in to my current account for my 18 day holiday and the bank also gave me a new card, which they said was my credit card. It was a bit annoying that when I had put the money into the Turkish bank it was worth 3 times as much as it was today, but I had no money in my English bank and no access to use it anyway. Still, I was cheered up by the cat allowed to sleep on the table in the bank without having to show their HES code and social distance!
I got a message from Sarah, who was working from home in Sofra bar, to see if I was coming to join her. I went there, I narrowly avoided falling in to the drainage holes by slipping on some gravel in the road works, then ordered orange juice and a bacon sandwich, they do the best ones in town! I had a bad stomach, no surprise there, and so I went back home to pack. In the afternoon I went to meet Maddie (it was her birthday), Vanessa and Matt at Tez bar and also get my PCR results, in order for me to fly tomorrow.
My test was negative, I had a coke, Maddie had a couple of rosé wines with sprite then Vanessa and Matt arrived for their PCR tests as they were flying from Antalya on Sunday. I still hadn’t been able to complete my PLF required to check-in at Dalaman and entry to UK because I was waiting for my day 2 PCR reference number from Collinson, so that was stressful. When it eventually came through, after numerous emails and my mom trying to call them, it was dark but I was packed. I completed it, went round to Vanessa’s and Matt printed it me off, along with my Turkish vaccine proof. On my way back I called at Heybe’s to say bye to Maddie and the gang, who were all there to celebrate with a chateaubriand which looked beautiful. Even Sarah’s dog, Yaps, was hopefully sniffing at the door and walked home with me – I thought Sarah may have been in Lukka but she wasn’t there and I didn’t get to say bye to the Lukka lot.
I booked my train from London St Pancras to Sheffield when I got home and gave myself 1 hour from the PCR test at the station, then I decided to go to bed. Unfortunately there was a huge storm which kept me awake, then a powercut followed by a few leaks and drips! I set my alarm for 7am and hoped 5 hours sleep would be enough before the journey home I had tomorrow!

Dalyan – 8th & 9th December

On Wednesday 8th December the Turkish lira was at 18.5 to £1 and it looked to get even worse. Reports in the Turkish news showed that things are pretty desperate, see below:
https://www.duvarenglish.com/in-the-face-of-economic-crisis-people-resort-to-selling-their-clothes-in-turkey-news-59783
It was quite a busy day and as I walked to my 4th Turkish class I noticed there was more building work happening on the swimming pool in the villa next door. The Turkish class was good, if not a bit more difficult, as we had to learn more vowel harmonies which is quite tricky to understand at first. It was also our last class until January as Sioned was off back to the UK and would be coming back to Dalyan on the 29th December with me, Jamie and Nanny Kay. After Turkish class I went next door to Maizie Moo to buy some face scrub to take back to England with me while Vanessa waited for our friends, Julie and Janet, to join us. We had decided to have a pre-Christmas farewell lunch and drinks at Lukka and, while the other ladies had paninis, I went for a cheese and bacon burger. We shared 2 bottles of white wine between us and all had a laugh during our lovely lunchtime treat.
I had confirmation of my PCR test in London being booked but couldn’t open the link with the reference I needed for my PLF but I still had 2 days for that to come. It had already gone dark when I decided to go to Şok supermarket for some bread and I also got more biscuits and a measuring jug, for a cost of 18.20 lira which was just less than a pound!
I had a cheese sandwich for dinner with olives, pickled onions, gherkins and crisps, then later on some roasted chestnuts.

With only a couple of days left until my trip to the UK it was, of course, inevitable that my last proper night out in Dalyan would turn out to be rather eventful!
On Thursday 9th December I just had bread and olives for breakfast as I was off to get pampered in the afternoon. I had booked in with Emrah Killis at 2.30pm for hair, eyebrows and a pedicure and I was really looking forward to it. It was so indulgent and relaxing that I almost fell asleep and spent an amazing 2 hours there being titivated. While I was in the hairdresser’s I noticed that the UK had published a Plan B which made for interesting reading and I was still not 100% convinced that going back to England was the right thing to do, but I’d paid for most of it now and I was looking forward to seeing family and friends.
My next appointment was at Tez bar for my PCR test at 4.30pm, it was so easy, not painful at all and so quick – the best PCR test I’ve experienced so far (and I’ve had a few). It cost just 300 lira (£16 approx at the time) and the results would come through within 24 hours (or less). Tez had organised the whole thing and had a glass of red wine on the bar for after I had finished, Ann was also on her way to join me for a drink. We sat at the bar as it was a little bit chilly, we prefer to sit away from the smokers and the place was fairly busy. I’d not seen Ann since her dog had been poorly as she had been nursing her back to health, so we had several wines of catching up on before we realised we should probably go for food. Sarah arrived and had decided for December she will be dressing as an elf for every day of the month and, after much she posed for a few elf photos she joined us for wine too. I saw Nick on his way out with Onur and Özcan so I went to see them outside and invite them to join us but they were having a lads night out down town.
Ann and I had already decided on Heybe’s for dinner as it is always consistently good and we fancied a nice quiet meal, Sarah also fancied a bite to eat and she came along too. Her dog, Yaps, joined us, and was super confident showing off her new look hair cut. For some strange reason I decided to have a chicken dish which had dates and figs in, Ann had a chicken casserole and Sarah the chicken schnitzel. All were lovely however Ann decided she wanted a chocolate pancake and I had one with lemon and sugar – Donny made these from scratch and they were delicious. Onur and Özcan came to join us, I later found out from Nick that they only popped in because Onur needed a pee on the way home and so they also ended up having a rather bizarre end to their night too. After Sarah and Yaps went home, the rest of us, including a friend of Ann’s who had joined us, got right on it with more booze at Heybe’s and then Ann invited us back to her place for a party. Donny, the owner of Heybe’s, gave me, Ann, Onur and Özcan a lift to Ann’s, who had bought more wine and some beer from the shop next door to Heybe’s. At Ann’s, joined by her friend and dog-walker, Cheryl, we sang, danced, drank and laughed until the early hours of the morning.
Cheryl stayed at Ann’s but I walked home with Onur and Özcan through a completely empty town – what a last proper night out in Dalyan!